Summer in Carlsbad and San Diego immediately reminds me of beach days, bonfires, packed calendars, sunshine, cool breezes, and great food. While summer can be a wonderful time to reconnect with nature, it can also bring pressure to stay busy, productive, and social as adults, especially since the Southern California weather can give summer vibes year-round. As therapists who have been living and working in San Diego for some 15+ years, we see high levels of stress and burnout because the lack of rhythm in the weather can mean a lack of rhythm in our calendars–and alas, a recipe for our nervous systems to get stuck in the “on” position. What if this summer we went back to the basics? What if instead of trying to do more, you gave yourself permission to rest? For many people, rest is not as simple as taking a nap or spending a day at the beach. Rest can feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or even impossible. If your nervous system has spent years, ahem, or decades, operating in survival mode, slowing down may feel harder than staying busy. It can feel even unsafe or dangerous. The good news is that rest does not have to look the same for everyone. And the smaller the dose you start with, the safer it will feel. This season of life–whether this blog finds you in the middle, beginning, or end of a summer, you have an opportunity to discover what true rest means for you. Rest Looks Different for Everyone When people hear the word "rest," they often imagine sleeping in, lounging by a pool, or taking a vacation. While those activities can be restful for some people, they are not the only forms of rest. For one person, rest may mean spending a quiet morning while it's still cool and not crowded, walking along the beach in Carlsbad. For another, rest may mean gardening, surfing, painting, reading, playing with your kids, or spending time with close friends. Some people feel restored through movement. Others feel restored through stillness. The question is not, "What should rest look like?" But instead, "What helps my body feel safe, settled, and connected?" True rest is not about following someone else's self-care routine. It is about listening to your own needs. Rest for me sometimes is just reading on my couch a good romantasy, or sitting on my deck between clients and watering my plants, I also feel a lot of rest doing a morning or evening routine that includes meditation, journaling, stretching, or preparing my morning cacao. I, too, had to start small and learn about rest that was unique to me, especially as someone who identifies as neurodivergent and as a trauma survivor. Ketamine Assisted Therapy, now offered virtually in all of California and in-person in San Diego and Carlsbad, was a game-changer as far as training my nervous system to have more parasympathetic (rest and digest mode), more accessible. Why Rest Can Feel So Hard Most of us have or currently carry stress in our bodies without realizing it. Work demands, parenting responsibilities, financial pressures, oppression, the economy, caregiving, relationship challenges, and past trauma can all keep the nervous system on high alert. This is normal. Things are tough right now. It's also true that when the body feels an impending doom and the need to stay prepared for danger, slowing down will likely feel uncomfortable. You might notice: Shaming or blaming yourself for resting when there is more to be done Constantly checking your phone but wanting to put it down Difficulty sitting still or choosing a restful activity Feeling restless/anxious during vacations Trouble sleeping Always looking for the next task to complete These experiences are often signs that your nervous system has become used to operating in survival mode. Don't worry about fixing this immediately. If this sounds like you, your body may be trying to protect you from something you are not ready to face. Trying to mend this on your own could cause unnecessary pain and suffering. If you feel ready to start a healing journey, contact a trusted somatic therapist in California to ensure you begin healing with support and guidance. Understanding Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, and Rest Our nervous systems are designed to help us survive. If we are constantly in states of intense stress and despair, our bodies will shut down. There are internal failsafes to protect us from this. When we sense a threat, our bodies can move into survival responses such as: Fight Flight Freeze Fawn (people-pleasing or over-accommodating others) These responses are not bad. They are natural protective reactions. The challenge happens when the nervous system gets stuck in these states long after the threat has passed. Think of it as an inability to settle or return to safety. You stay there. You stay with the threat. Many people in today's fast-paced world spend much of their time in a low-level fight-or-flight state. It seems like there is no time to process and settle; we must keep moving. This can look like: Constant busyness Anxiety Overworking Irritability Difficulty relaxing Feeling overwhelmed The nervous system also has another deeply important state of existence: the parasympathetic response. This is often referred to as the "rest and digest" state. When we access this state, our bodies can: Relax Recover Enjoy hobbies and nature with deep passion Digest food more effectively Sleep more deeply Connect with others on a genuine level Feel present and at ease in the moment Rest is not laziness. Rest is a biological need. How Somatic Experiencing Supports the Nervous System Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-based approach that helps people understand and regulate their nervous systems. This is a fancy way of saying you can find true peace and safety within yourself. Instead of focusing only on thoughts, SE helps people notice what is happening inside the body. If you think about feelings, they don't usually exist in your head. Deep sadness and pain can be felt in the chest or an ache in the gut. SE wants to address this, to shift it. This might include paying attention to: How your breath feels, if your chest feels tight or open Muscle tension, is your jaw clenched? Physical sensations, breathless, sweaty, strong Feelings of safety, or fear Many of us starting this journey are surprised to discover that our bodies have been carrying stress for years. There is a whole world inside of us that we have been neglecting. Through Somatic Experiencing, people learn how to gently move out of chronic fight, flight, or freeze states and build greater capacity for calm, connection, and resilience. These responses are not the enemy, and they don't go away forever. The goal is not to force relaxation, but to invite safety and rest into the picture. Acknowledging these stress responses as information and protection, and as they come in, they serve their purpose, and they leave. Rest as Resistance Choosing rest is an act of rebellion. Our culture often celebrates productivity, achievement, and constant activity. Labeling people who rest as lazy and entitled. We are encouraged to hustle harder, accomplish more, and stay busy. Many people have learned to measure their worth by how much they produce. This is not even close to how most humans have functioned throughout history. This is a by-product of capitalism. Human beings were never designed to work without pause. Rest challenges the belief that your value depends on your productivity. Rest says: "I do not have to earn my right to slow down." "I am worthy even when I am not performing." "My body deserves care." Choosing rest in a culture that glorifies exhaustion can be a powerful act of self-respect. An act of defiance to the people who exploit the hard work of many and rely on this mentality to function. Rest becomes not only a method of healing and self-care but a form of resistance against unrealistic expectations and chronic stress. Finding Restful Places in Carlsbad and San Diego Living in North County San Diego offers many opportunities to reconnect with your body, nature, and support your nervous system. Try to think of places where you've felt more grounded, connected, and at ease. Center your relaxation around these spaces. The Beaches of Carlsbad There is something naturally regulating about the rhythm of ocean waves. The sounds, the open space. Whether you enjoy walking, searching for shells, sitting, reading, or simply watching the water, Carlsbad's coastline can offer many chances to slow down and reconnect with the present moment. Instead of focusing on exercise or productivity, try noticing: The sound of the waves The feeling of the sand beneath your feet The temperature of the air The colors around you The open wide spaces These small moments of intentional awareness can bring a sense of peace and right-tight a connection with yourself and your life. You are more than what you produce. Batiquitos Lagoon Batiquitos Lagoon is full of peaceful walking trails surrounded by nature. Spending time in natural environments has been shown to reduce stress and increase a sense of organic joy and peace. Notice what happens in your body as you walk. If you're feeling overwhelmed, look up at the sky and soak in the wideness of the world and the openness of the outdoors. Do your shoulders relax? Does your breathing change? Can you feel your feet making contact with the ground? What ideas are present? Quiet Cafés and Bookstores Rest does not always require solitude. Being around others in a calm environment without feeling the need to engage directly can feel deeply nourishing. A favorite coffee shop, outdoor patio, farmers' market, or local bookstore can become a place to slow down without feeling isolated. Local Parks and Open Spaces Many people underestimate the power of sitting under a tree, listening to birds, or enjoying a walk in solitude. Rest does not have to be expensive or elaborate. It could be the start of a new habit or ritual. Something to look forward to during a tough time. Sometimes the most effective forms of restoration are the simplest. Especially because they are always there for you. Fun Is Part of Healing Too When people think about healing, they often focus on serious work. Resurfacing and processing old wounds, changing habits, less TV, more books, stop smoking, and eat healthy. But fun is also deeply important. Play, curiosity, creativity, and joy support nervous system regulation. This is where we flourish, this is how we enjoy our lives. Ask yourself: What did I enjoy as a child? What activities make me lose track of time? What helps me feel alive? What can I do today that will feed my soul? For some people, fun might look like trying a new hobby like paddleboarding or body surfing. For others, it might be taking an art class, exploring a farmers market, dancing, hiking, or spending time with friends, or carving out some alone time to enjoy your favorite book and a glass of wine and chocolate. Fun is not a distraction from healing. Fun is part of healing. Giving Yourself Permission to Rest This Summer You do not need to earn rest. You do not need to finish every task before allowing yourself a break. You do not need to justify caring for your nervous system. Whether your version of rest involves ocean walks, quiet mornings, movement, creativity, community, or simply taking a deep breath, your needs are valid. Summer can be an invitation to slow down and reconnect with yourself. Start Somatic Therapy in San Diego, CA If rest feels difficult, know that you are not alone. Many people struggle to access the calm and connection they long for. Working with a Somatic Experiencing practitioner can help you better understand your nervous system, build resilience, and create more space for rest, joy, and presence in everyday life. This summer, consider giving yourself something that often gets pushed aside: permission to pause. Your nervous system may thank you for it. Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project Somatic experiencing therapy in California is not the only service offered by Compass Healing Project. We offer a variety of mental health services, including couples and relationship therapy, First responder and family therapy, Clinical Sexology, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in Golden, CO. About the Author Natalie Cooney (she/her) LMFT CO .0001680 is the Lead Therapist, Director, and Clinical Supervisor of Compass Healing Project. Natalie is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Certified Sex Therapist, Psychedelic Assisted Therapist, Resilience Touch Therapist, and EMDR Therapist. She specializes in Sacred Energetics, Integrative Nutrition, Somatic Regulation, and all things trauma- and attachment-related. Natalie is currently full, and her waitlist is closed. Her team is hand-picked, incredible, and has current openings. Inquire here to be matched!

Telling your partner you want to go to couples therapy can be one of the hardest and most important conversations in your relationship. You may have been hinting at it or saying it assertively while wrestling with a communication cycle or issues with intimacy. Either way, saying it to yourself and to your partner is significant data. We like to listen to these data points and listen deeply to what is being said. You’re admitting you would like help for the relationship. You are saying–I think we need help. This can be so intimidating for both people in the relationship; it’s uncharted waters. Depending on your pre-established views of therapy, there can be so much weight to the conversation. This first step is crucial, but once it’s over, and it's time to find a therapist and start this journey together, the nervous energy about starting something so new can fester. Many couples wonder what will happen in the room, what the therapist will think, if they will take sides, and whether therapy will even help. If you are looking for a somatic couples therapist in Colorado or California, you are not alone. Many couples are asking the same questions before they begin. The good news is this: couples therapy is not about blaming one person or deciding who is right. It is about helping both partners feel heard, understood, and more connected. Couples therapists work on behalf of the goals of the couple. Good couples therapists will work with you and your partner–seeing you both as participants who have an impact on one another. This impact, unprocessed or unrepaired (if its unhealthy) can build up and create breakdowns in communication, safety, sex, and intimacy. Here are answers to some of the most common questions couples ask before starting therapy from an LMFT, an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, Somatic Relational Therapist, and/or a Relational Sex Therapist. Is My Therapist Going to Take Sides? No. A good couples therapist does not pick sides; they are on the side of the goals of the couple. If the couple's goals are for increased safety and sexuality, but there is a substance use or in-law issue on one side. The same rules apply–we work for the couple. If the goal is for uncoupling and moving towards co-parenting, yes, that is what we will do. In couples therapy, the therapist works for the relationship, not for one partner. Your therapist wants to understand both people and help each person feel safe enough to speak honestly. Sometimes one partner may need more support in a certain moment. Other times, the other partner may need extra space to share. That does not mean the therapist is choosing a favorite. A somatic couples therapist will pay extra attention to how stress shows up in the body. This can help both partners slow down and feel calmer during heated conversations. The goal is not to eradicate conflict or figure out who's right, but to learn ways to speak about the internal struggles each partner is facing with maturity, empathy, and understanding. What If We Fight During Therapy? This is actually very common and nothing to be embarrassed about. We actually want to see how you are out in the wild, but there has to be a willingness to eventually face and own the impact so changes can be made. New behaviors, new dance steps. Many couples come to therapy because they have trouble communicating at home. Your therapist is there to help you, and seeing the communication struggles firsthand will give them an idea of how to best support you. Therapy gives you a safe place to practice new ways of talking and listening without judgment. Your therapist may slow the conversation down by intentionally making space for each partner to be heard without the back and forth of reactive arguments. They may ask questions like “say more about that” or “how did you feel when she said that?” and help you notice how your body reacts during conflict. Somatic therapy specifically helps couples learn how to calm the nervous system so conversations feel less overwhelming and painful. What Is Somatic-Focused Couples Therapy? Somatic therapy focuses on the connection between the mind and body. When couples are stressed, upset, or disconnected, their bodies often react automatically, without much thought. One partner may shut down. Another may become angry or anxious. These reactions can happen before either person even realizes it. Most of the time, it’s not personal to the relationship but ingrained in how each partner deals with feeling unsafe emotionally. Starting here can make huge changes in a relationship by pulling back the curtain and allowing each partner to really see each other for the first time again. Especially if there is relational trauma in someone’s history, the nervous system can have a few different ways it protects and defends against the vulnerability that is necessary for emotional connection. A somatic couples therapist helps you notice these patterns in real time. You may practice breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or body awareness skills during sessions. This will soften the intensity of the emotional reaction and allow space for a genuine connection. The goal is not just to talk about problems. The goal is to help both partners feel safer, calmer, and more emotionally and physically connected. Do We Have to Share Everything Right Away? No. You do not have to tell your whole life story in the first session. Therapy is a process that takes time. It’s okay to also ask your therapist questions! Building rapport with your therapist is great for a therapeutic relationship. You can share safe details, like whether you have pets, how you like to relax, and how you met! This is a great way to feel safe sharing vulnerable details with your therapist. Many couples start by talking about the challenges that brought them in. Over time, trust grows, and deeper conversations become easier. Your therapist should never force you to share something before you are ready. Their whole job is to create a safe space for you and your partner. What Happens During the First Session? The first session is usually a thorough and targeted session regarding your history as a couple, as individuals, and defining specific goals and challenges. Your therapist may ask questions like: What brought you to therapy? How long have you been together? How did you meet? What would your ideal relationship together look like? What did you learn about rupture and repair from your parents? What did closeness and communication look like growing up? How do you feel about your relationship? You may also talk about your relationship strengths. Many couples forget they still have strengths when they are stuck in conflict. As a relational somatic therapist, I understand the importance of earning trust and safety. In order for therapy to work, we have to create a space where everyone feels safe, and that is not going to happen immediately. We will get there naturally, and with a better understanding of each of you, which will create the foundation for actual healing. The first session is not about fixing everything in one day. It is about building the foundation of the new relationship you and your partner will build together. What If My Partner Does Not Want to Be There? This happens often. One partner may feel excited about therapy while the other feels nervous, skeptical, or uncomfortable. That is normal. Many people worry they will be blamed or judged. Others may have had a bad therapy experience in the past or a general misconception of how therapy works and what it means about them and their relationship. Or heard horror stories of therapists mishandling their power or taking sides. A skilled couples therapist understands this and creates a space where both people can feel respected and will invite the partner who is on the fence, talking through reasons for hesitancy and exploring how to increase safety. Even if one partner starts out unsure, many couples begin to feel more hopeful after a few sessions. Will Therapy Save Our Relationship? Therapy can help many couples rebuild trust, improve communication, and reconnect emotionally. But therapy is simply a way to break down, empathize, and understand ourselves and each other. A lot of times, this leads to stronger connections and better relationships; sometimes it helps people come to terms with painful truths they were avoiding. In our work with couples, sometimes it is helping a relationship end or helping the current version of the relationship end. Both partners need to be willing to participate honestly and practice new skills outside of sessions in order for therapy to help, even if they don't start out open, it can come with time. Sometimes therapy helps couples stay together by learning how to reconnect after a rupture and gain a greater understanding of themselves and their partner. Sometimes it helps couples separate more peacefully and respectfully if that's what is best for that relationship. The goal is to help both people understand themselves and each other more clearly. How Long Does Couples Therapy Take? Every couple is different. Some couples come for a few months to work on communication. Others stay longer to heal deeper relationship wounds. Sometimes couples end up in their own individual therapy either instead of or in complement to the couples therapy. There are times when couples might take a break and then reach out months or years later if there is something that has arisen that they want extra support with. That being said… Progress depends on many things, including: How long have the problems been happening, and what is their severity How often does conflict happen How safe each partner feels emotionally How committed both people are to change What kinds of ruptures have gone unrepaired, for example–affairs, prioritizing other people/substances/work, etc, violation of commitments, etc. Healing usually takes time, especially when couples have been stuck in painful patterns for years. There's no correct timeline; it's just about what the relationship needs. What If I Cry During Therapy? Crying is completely okay. And it is a way to experience release, so we are all about it! Therapy is a place where all emotions are welcome. So many people in deeply loving, committed relationships spend years hiding hurt feelings, fear, sadness, or disappointment. When people finally feel safe enough to express emotions honestly, tears can happen. This is good. Crying is so good for our systems. Anger, sadness, rage, joy, bliss–all are welcome unless it hurts you or someone else. A somatic therapist may also help you understand what's happening in your body and titrate the sensation so you don't become flooded by it. This can help emotions feel less overwhelming and easier to move through, especially if there is a history of being told crying is weak or embarrassing. Are We “Failing” If We Need Couples Therapy? Not at all! Many strong couples go to therapy. Starting therapy does not mean your relationship is broken. It means you care enough to work on it. In fact, seeking help early can prevent problems from getting bigger over time. Life stress, parenting, work pressure, financial worries, and past trauma can all affect relationships. Sometimes couples simply need support in learning healthier ways to connect. Many of us don't have great examples of a functional relationship. Therapy is a great way to learn how to have deeper and more meaningful relationships. Will the Therapist Tell Us What to Do? Yes and No. A couples therapist is not there to control your decisions or tell you who is right. Instead, a therapist will help guide conversations, teach relationship skills, and help you understand and shift patterns that may be hurting the relationship. They will recommend next steps or changes, guiding you towards your goals–however, you always have a choice. A somatic couples therapist also helps you become more aware of emotional and physical reactions during conflict. This awareness can help couples respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically and usually regretting what was said once the sensation settles. What If I Feel Nervous Before the First Couples Therapy Appointment? That is completely normal. Trying something new can feel uncomfortable, especially when emotions and preconceived ideas are involved. Many couples feel anxious before their first session. Tell your therapist right at the beginning, share it, and see how it is held by the therapist. You do not need to have the perfect words prepared. You do not need to know exactly what to say. Your therapist is there to help guide the conversation and put you at ease. The most important thing is simply showing up with openness and honesty. Can Couples Therapy Help With Sex Too? Yes! The sexual part of relationships and the nervous system are deeply connected. Sex is usually the symptom or result of the relationship dynamic. When couples fight often, both partners may consistently feel stressed, anxious, tense, or emotionally exhausted. You can imagine this isn’t great for anyone's libido. Or when couples are stressed or busy all the time, that is a sure sign of a brake system that is stuck on, creating issues with fun, play, pleasure, and sexual intimacy. Somatic couples therapy can help partners feel calmer, more regulated, understood, and safe. This often improves not only the relationship, but the decrease in all of those painful, all-consuming feelings leaves room for some pleasant ones. Even if you don't bring sex up in therapy or don't go into detail, that's okay! Reconnecting emotionally might even give you the best sex you’ve ever had. Many couples in Colorado seek somatic therapy because they want a more holistic approach that includes both emotional and physical awareness. What Makes Somatic Couples Therapy Different? Traditional couples therapy often focuses mostly on thoughts and communication. Somatic couples therapy includes the whole body in the healing process. Inner thoughts and communication are important, but most of the time, the deepest problems in a relationship stem from how someone is feeling inside their body, their sense of safety, their internal state of peace or dysregulation. Communication styles will not address this part. For example, you may learn to notice: Muscle tension, jaw clenching, breathing patterns What fight, flight, fawn, or shutdown responses look like Physical signs of stress and how to address them with your partner Names of somatic sensations By learning how the nervous system reacts during conflict and how to talk about and express our internal worlds productively, couples can build more safety, trust, and emotional closeness. Final Thoughts Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step, but you do not have to have everything figured out before you begin. As a supportive somatic couples and sex therapist in Colorado or California, I know my team at Compass Healing Project can help you and your partner better understand your patterns, improve communication, and create a stronger, lasting emotional connection. Therapy is not about blame. It is about learning, healing, and growing together. Many couples feel nervous at first. That is okay. What matters most is being willing to start the conversation. Start Working With A Couples Therapist in Golden, CO, San Diego, and Carlsbad, CA For couples and relationships, working with a relationship and couples therapist trained in couples, intimacy, and family systems, in addition to Somatic Experiencing, can deepen every other part of your relationship and ease hypervigilance. When the body feels safe, connection becomes natural, communication flows more easily, and your love and passion for each other come alive again. If you and your partner are ready to rebuild your connection from the inside out, my team and I would love to support you. At Compass Healing Project, our therapists offer Somatic Experiencing Couples and Relationship Therapy in Golden, CO, to help couples slow down, listen to their bodies, and find safety in each other again. Whether you’re navigating stress, disconnection, destructive patterns, or simply wanting to feel closer, we’ll meet you with warmth, curiosity, and care. Don't hesitate; we are here for you. Contact us with all your questions. You can start your therapy journey by following these steps: Reach out today for a free 20-minute discovery consultation! Meet with a caring therapist Start rebuilding connections and deeper bonds! Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project Couples and Relationship therapy is not the only service offered by Compass Healing Project. We offer a variety of mental health services, including ketamine assisted therapy, Hypnotherapy, Clinical Sexology, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. We also offer intensive couples therapy and teen therapy. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in Golden, CO. About the Author Natalie Cooney (she/her) LMFT CO .0001680 is the Lead Therapist, Director, and Clinical Supervisor of Compass Healing Project. Natalie is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Certified Sex Therapist, Psychedelic Assisted Therapist, Resilience Touch Therapist, and EMDR Therapist. She specializes in Sacred Energetics, Integrative Nutrition, Somatic Regulation, and all things trauma- and attachment-related. Natalie is currently full, and her waitlist is closed. Her team is hand-picked, incredible, and has current openings. Inquire here to be matched!

Online therapy for couples works much like in-person couples counseling, but it happens over video calls! Both online and in-person therapy are effective for couples, but there are some key differences to take a closer look at. Couples therapy is a structured space where both partners meet virtually or in person with a therapist. Together, they work on relationship challenges and ruptures. Many people have found that couples therapy can improve communication and deepen emotional connection. What Happens in Online Couples Therapy? It's no secret that therapy can be intimidating to start. I believe this is because few people have a good understanding of how it starts and what it entails. When we are talking about couples therapy online, things get a little more specific. Realistically, you will start with a discovery call and get set up with a therapist you feel is a good fit for your needs. From there, the initial appointment will be mostly catching your therapist up on what you are facing in the relationship, as well as what you are looking to gain from couples therapy. You will also be establishing a base for future appointments, your history as a couple and as individuals, and exploring treatment goals. One thing to consider is whether you're joining from the same location (same screen) or separate locations and separate screens. Both are great options; either way, you want to be in tune with how you set up your surroundings. If on the same screen, you can choose a comfortable location with a place for both of you to sit together. Place the device in a spot where both parties are visible. I would have some tissues nearby just in case;) Maybe a candle, along with some water, or a favorite drink on hand. A notebook or journal is also handy when learning better ways to relate or strategies to heal. Ideally, the setup would be similar for meetings on separate screens. It's important you're comfortable in the space to get the most out of a virtual session. Couples sessions can last anywhere from 50-90 minutes to a few hours if you want an intensive. Typically, you would meet weekly or every other week to start. We like a model that puts longer sessions or weekly sessions at the beginning to get the couple relief faster (triage level of care), and then we spread out sessions as we work on healing and fine-tuning dynamics. Therapists will help facilitate discussions, offer specific and useful tools, as well as help navigate conflict or emotional disconnection. In each session, your therapist helps you explore patterns in your relationship, build healthier communication habits, and learn tools to manage conflict with more understanding and less reactivity. Whether you're facing a specific challenge or simply want to invest in your relationship’s health, therapy can be a valuable step. Homework between sessions can also be expected. Don't worry; it's not like homework you would typically get while in school. Therapy homework is my favorite kind because you can see the results of your work as you are investing. A good example would be practicing skills like active listening. I'm sure you've said to yourself before, “They don't listen." It could be you have a hard time listening to your partner in a real way, like how you did at the beginning of the relationship. Couples therapy, whether online or in person, can teach you exactly how to listen in a way that's gratifying to yourself and the relationship. Practicing this freshly taught skill would be the “homework”. Don't worry if you're already an amazing listener, this is just one of the many skills therapists can teach us. What You Need for Online Couples Therapy A quiet, private space: Although it may seem obvious, one of the vital aspects of couples therapy is vulnerability. If you don't have privacy or feel tense in the space you chose to meet in, this can affect your ability to be vulnerable, whether you mean it to or not. To get the most out of every online couples therapy session, it is vital to feel at ease in the chosen meeting space. A stable internet connection: A classic for a reason. There is nothing like finally hearing some life-changing words and getting in a groove with your therapist and having the signal cut out. Set yourself up for success and check your internet before starting a session. If you have splotchy service, don't let this discourage you. As someone with chronically bad service, I know there are some great, cost-effective options for improving Internet speed if online therapy is what you need. A computer, tablet, or phone with a camera/mic: Don't be nervous about using your Phone! It's so normal, and I'm sure we are all used to casual video chats on our smartphones, which adds a level of comfort. If you're someone who appreciates a good background, absolutely go for it and make it your own. Maybe bring a notebook if you feel like jotting down things that stick with you. Pour a cup of tea and turn the mood light on. There is no “correct device” or setup. Follow your heart and go with what works for you. Headphones (for clarity and privacy): This is absolutely a preference. There are lots of options, including Bluetooth and split headphones, if the couple is using one screen. If you do choose to meet from separate locations, headphones might fall into that quiet, private space for you. Don't worry if this isn't an option for you. Is Online Couples Therapy For Me? The coolest thing about virtual therapy for couples is how perfect it is for long-distance couples. If you are in a long-distance relationship and are struggling with the ups and downs that come with that, online couples therapy is perfect for you. As someone who has watched way too many rom-coms, I love how long-distance relationships can be so romantic and unique. There is absolutely a space for these relationships in therapy. Therapy has helped couples achieve better communication, deeper connections, and even basic conflict resolution. This can be relationship-changing. The fact that this kind of therapy is so much more accessible with online platforms is incredibly beneficial to people in relationships. Online couples therapy is not just for long-distance relationships. Some couples might be in the thick of it and prefer to have some physical space when discussing hard topics. Meeting online might feel a little lighter and easier to be open and honest with your therapist and partner. Another reason to meet virtually could just be convenience. When working with three schedules (couple's and therapist’s), depending on lifestyle, it can be hard to pinpoint a weekly or even bi-weekly time to meet physically. Meeting online allows for more flexibility and less gas and driving time. Whether online or in person, couples therapy can be incredibly beneficial to the individual person as well as the relationship. If you were unsure about the quality being the same online, I hope I was able to bring some clarity. At the core of it, couples therapy is about coming together because the desire for change is present. When the desire for change is present, whether online or in person, doing something about it is powerful. Relationships can be one of the most rewarding—and sometimes challenging—parts of our lives. Whether you're navigating communication issues and life transitions. It could be that you want to deepen your connection, couples therapy can offer a supportive space to grow together. Online couples therapy brings all the benefits of traditional therapy directly into your home. Through secure video sessions, partners can meet with a licensed therapist from anywhere, eliminating travel time and allowing for more scheduling flexibility. It’s especially helpful for couples with busy lives or long-distance relationships. In each session, your therapist helps you explore patterns in your relationship. You will build healthier communication habits and learn tools to manage conflict with more understanding and less reactivity. Whether you're facing a specific challenge or simply want to invest in your relationship’s health, therapy can be a valuable step. Some couples worry that the virtual setting might feel impersonal, but many find that being in a familiar environment actually helps them open up more freely. The key is a secure, consistent space where both partners feel heard and respected. Online couples therapy offers a convenient, effective path toward greater connection. If you’ve been considering it, now is a great time to take that first step. Start Couples Therapy in California Take advantage of being able to work on your relationship with trained couples therapists and get the change you crave in your relationships. We are here to help! You can start your therapy journey with the Compass Healing Project by following these steps: Fill out this appointment inquiry form and get matched today! Meet with a caring therapist from our team Start improving the health of your relationship! Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project At Compass Healing Project, we take a holistic approach to therapy, using a range of modalities to support various mental health needs. In addition to couples therapy, we can help reclaim your nervous system with somatic therapy. We also offer EMDR, Clinical Sexology, hypnotherapy, ketamine-assisted therapy, and embodiment practices—each tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, and sexuality concerns. We also provide support for teens. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our compassionate therapists in Colorado and California, who specialize in trauma resolution, emotional healing, and integrative therapy to support your journey to well-being.

Tips to strengthen your relationship and make the most of each session Introduction Couples therapy can be a powerful way to strengthen your relationship with your partner, work through conflict, and build new patterns of connection. Whether you and your partner are facing ongoing challenges, have a history of hurt, have intimacy issues, or simply want to improve communication, therapy provides a safe space to examine the relationship and rediscover each other. But many couples wonder, “How do we make sure we get the most out of this process?” This blog will guide you through the steps to approach couples therapy with openness, realistic expectations, and practical tools — so you and your partner can create meaningful change. Why Couples Therapy Can Help Relationships are complex. Even the strongest couples face moments of misunderstanding, distance, or conflict. Couples therapy offers: A safe space to talk openly without fear of judgment. The therapist is there, not to tell you what to do, but to help you get to the core of what you are saying and communicate with your partner in a way that they actually hear you. Many couples struggle to make the time and space that is conducive to deep conversations and intimacy. Even then, many couples struggle to say what they need to say in a way that can be heard. Couples therapy puts your relationship on the map and centers it. Guidance from a relationally trained professional who helps you see patterns you might not notice on your own. They can also offer an outside perspective on what you are both struggling to see past. Centering your relationship is a win-win for everyone. The couples therapist creates and guides sessions so you reach your goals, whether that be issues with boundaries with work, cycles of criticism leading to burnout, or not experiencing joy, pleasure, or connection together. The opportunity for growth and getting the relationship you want is endless; couples therapists are trained to help you get there. Tools for better communication so you can listen and express yourself more effectively, not just in therapy but in your everyday life. Communication is such an undervalued skill. When we can communicate our thoughts and feelings in an accurate and genuine way, we possess the power of living authentically. Couples therapy gives you a rare opportunity to get feedback and tweaks on how you and your partner communicate, often these are tweaks that make a world of difference. Ever feel like it would be helpful to have someone witness the cycle? Couples therapy is just that, but the therapist knows what needs to shift to have it stop happening. Support in rebuilding trust if the relationship has faced challenges, such as betrayal. This is not an easy thing to overcome. Having someone to guide you through the very normal feelings that come with things like betrayal can make all the difference when it comes to repairing a bond. Couples therapy guides couples in how to repair wounds and hurts. Couples often don’t know what is required to heal Betrayal trauma, so they spend a lot of time talking about it and managing triggers, but don’t have all the tools to heal. Couples therapy helps the couple build an actionable plan and strategy that works. Opportunities for growth in intimacy, teamwork, and shared understanding of each other. Knowing why therapy can help sets the stage for making the most of the process. Step 1: Set Clear Goals Together Before starting couples therapy, talk with your partner about what you hope to gain. Ask yourselves: What challenges or patterns need to be addressed? What would a happier relationship for us look like? In an ideal world, what would we walk away from therapy with? What do we want from this experience? If you woke up tomorrow and your problems were gone–what would your relationship look and feel like? What am I scared of if I were to open up to my partner more or if my partner opened themselves up to me? What aspect of our relationship needs support? Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Psychological, Spiritual, Financial, Trust, Communication, Managing thirds (work, kids, money, family, others). What bothers you most about one another? For example, one couple might want to reduce conflict about parenting or the extended family.. Another person might want to rebuild trust after feeling betrayed or lied to directly. Some couples simply want to feel closer again after feeling as though they have lost the spark. Writing down your goals can help you and your therapist focus on what matters to you and what you wish to heal in your relationship. Step 2: Choose the Right Therapist Not every therapist is the same, and not every approach fits every couple. When looking for a couples therapist, consider: Training and approach: There are many different methods of therapy. Each method has strengths. At Compass Healing Project, we are heavily biased in Whole-person therapy (aka Integrative Somatic Therapy). Look into any methods you find interesting, do some research about what seems like a good fit for you and your partner. You should look for a therapist who is trained to see and intervene within the system, in other words, someone who is relationally trained. Comfort level: You should feel safe and respected. Both parties feeling comfortable with the therapist is the ideal scenario. This will allow everyone to speak freely and get to the core of what is actually happening. Practical needs: Look at scheduling, location (in-person or online), and cost. The right therapist is someone both partners feel comfortable working with. Step 3: Be Honest in Sessions Therapy is most effective when both partners show up authentically. This means: Sharing your true thoughts and feelings, even when it’s uncomfortable. You'd be surprised how relieving it can be to finally speak to your partner about what is truly on your mind and have someone beside you to help navigate a heavily charged conversation. Admitting mistakes or patterns you’d like to change. You might be worried your partner will use this against you or try to use it to their benefit, but remember, the therapist is there to keep the attention on the end goal. Admitting mistakes can be more about you releasing some burdens and less about your partner “winning” an argument or conflict. Allowing vulnerability, which often deepens the connection. Letting your partner see you and giving them access to your thoughts and feelings can be a reminder as to why you started this relationship in the first place. Being vulnerable can be powerful and beautiful. It can be scary to open yourself and let your walls fall, but honesty is what helps the therapist guide you toward healing. Step 4: Stay Open to Feedback A therapist’s role isn’t to take sides — it’s to notice patterns, point out blind spots, and suggest new ways of interacting and be a space to practice relating differently. Sometimes you might hear feedback that feels hard to hear or even completely off-putting. Try to be curious. You can ask your therapist questions as well! You could say, “That does not feel like what I'm experiencing. What drew you to that conclusion?” or “Actually, I think my experience has been this and not what you said, can we explore that?” Instead of getting defensive, try to: Pause and listen before responding. Try not to react right away. Soak it in and see if your defensiveness is because you have been misunderstood or because you don't want to admit the pain you have caused or the pain you currently feel. Reflect on what’s true in the feedback. It may not all be true, but some of it might. Openness is your best friend; you are here for a reason, and it's to accept help and to heal. View it as an opportunity to grow rather than as criticism. Everyone on the planet has faults and makes mistakes. You are no different. What would set you apart is your willingness to own and grow from them. Remember, you are one part of a whole system. The more you look at your dance steps, the more likely the whole dance will change. Your therapist is there to help you look at your part. If it doesn’t feel right, say it! Remember, therapy is a team effort. Curiosity helps both you and your partner move forward. Step 5: Practice Patience Many couples want quick fixes. But real change takes time. Just as a relationship didn’t develop its challenges overnight, it won’t heal overnight either. We offer different couples therapy containers, some couples want weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, or intensives (multi-hour or multi-day containers). Choose the pace that works for you. Some couples prefer meeting weekly over meeting monthly, while others prefer to set aside a day once a quarter to work in an intensive container. Ask one of our therapists about the different options when you are ready to start working relationally. We offer free consult calls to make sure you are getting the right support. Be patient with: Yourself as you learn new skills. The things that are happening in your relationship didn’t start overnight, the changes to a healthier version won’t either. Your partner as they work on their part of the relationship. They may be moving at a different pace than you. Don't give up and trust that they will find their own process. The process as it unfolds step by step. Ask questions about the process and be an advocate for what changes you’d like to experience. Take ownership and hold yourself accountable for the parts you can change. Patience allows space for lasting transformation instead of short-term solutions. Couples therapy is about finding lasting solutions, which often means a lot of vulnerability, honesty, and working together like you have never done before. Step 6: Do the Work Between Sessions Therapy doesn’t only happen in the therapy room. The real progress often happens in your daily life. Insight and understanding can only go so far, you actually have to make mindful shifts outside of therapy to change the dynamic. Your therapist may give you homework, like: Practicing active listening. Scheduling quality time together. Journaling feelings or patterns. Trying grounding or self-regulation exercises. Co-regulation practices like eye-gazing, taking turns being held, or soft contact after being away from one another. Reading parallel on a topic that has to do with your marriage, like rebuilding trust, sexual intimacy, how to love your partner with ADHD, or parenting after a child loss. Scheduling in practices that increase safety, spice, or emotional vulnerability. Sometimes the work can be tailored to what you need specifically. Couples who practice outside of sessions usually see deeper, faster growth. Insight can only go so far. Step 7: Focus on Communication Skills One of the most common reasons couples seek therapy is difficulty communicating. If you think about it, communication is the way couples can work together or work in opposition on their goals. So we think communication issues can truly make or break a couple, even if they say it was money or sex or affairs–how a couple deals with that together is a sign of a successful secure relating couple. For example, someone who has affairs has issues turning towards, speaking up, being honest, and advocating for their needs and wants. When things get hard, they turn away or dissociate rather than stay present. Another example, someone with sexual trauma may not center shared pleasure; rather, they may go through the motions of sex or avoid it altogether in their relationship. Naming this and addressing it requires a level of communication that often isn’t taught by our parents or in school. Addressing our issues in Couples Therapy starts with the foundations of communication. Communication in Couples therapy often teaches skills like: “I” statements: Expressing feelings without blame (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”). Active listening: Showing your partner you understand before responding. Repair attempts: Calming conflict before it escalates. Practicing Empathy or Validation: dropping your perspective to “try on your partner’s perspective” can feel very frustrating, but that skill is central to increasing intimacy. Slowing down: Taking time to respond instead of reacting immediately. The couples therapist will help you pause the cycle and self-regulate, which is a more productive and efficient way to get a win-win solution. Improved communication often creates ripple effects throughout the relationship. Step 8: Expect Discomfort Along the Way Therapy sometimes stirs up old wounds or unresolved issues. This discomfort is not a sign that therapy isn’t working — it’s part of the healing process. A lot of the time, our past can explain our behavior. Often, that past pain needs to be addressed in order for the behavior to change. It may feel challenging when: Long-held resentments come up. Your partner shares painful feelings. You confront patterns you’ve avoided. The cycle shows up in the session, and it is obvious that you two are still in pain The key is to lean into the discomfort with curiosity, not fear. That’s often where breakthroughs happen. Step 9: Celebrate Progress, Big and Small Healing is not just about fixing problems — it’s also about noticing growth. Celebrate when you and your partner: Resolve a conflict more peacefully. Share appreciation towards each other. Spend quality time that feels meaningful. Take accountability for a mistake. Have experiences of improved relating that feel different and new Recognizing these small steps reinforces positive change. Step 10: Stay Committed Couples therapy works best when both partners stay engaged. That means: Attending sessions regularly. Showing up with openness and effort. Continuing the work even when it’s tough. Commitment shows your partner — and yourself — that your relationship is worth the investment. The Role of Somatic Couples Therapy Somatic couples therapy focuses on how the body and nervous system influence relationships. The body and the nervous system carry the important defaults of how closeness, connection, and attunement felt when we were little. In order to heal and have goodness, joy, pleasure, and feel heard/seen, the nervous system figured out ways to get our needs met that might not be helpful in adult relating. For example, expecting the house to be spotless and clean at all times so you feel less “out of control” is not realistic. Learning to expand your window of tolerance, negotiate a plan, and sit with your partner together in the mess of life is what intimacy is all about. Or doing retail therapy every time your boss gives you critical feedback, or if you think you have to meet all your partners' needs or else they will leave you, all old tapes that need to be rewritten. Somatic Therapy in the couples therapy mix allows those defaulted modes, habits, and reactions to be healed on a deeper level. Somatic therapy can help you: Notice body cues when stress or conflict arises. Learn regulation skills to calm your nervous system during arguments. Build awareness of how closeness or distance feels in your body. Reconnect through touch, eye contact, and presence. This approach can create deeper change because it works with both mind and body, not just thoughts. Can Online Couples Therapy Work? Yes! Online therapy offers flexibility and access without losing effectiveness. Many couples find it easier to schedule sessions from home, which supports consistency. With secure video platforms, online therapy provides: Privacy from the comfort of your space. Convenience for busy schedules. Accessibility if you don’t live near your therapist. The tools you gain — from communication strategies to somatic awareness — translate just as well online. Common Myths About Couples Therapy It’s normal to feel unsure about starting therapy. Here are some myths and truths: Myth: Therapy means our relationship is failing. Truth: Many strong couples use therapy as maintenance, just like checkups with a doctor. Myth: The therapist will take sides. Truth: A skilled therapist supports both partners equally. Myth: Therapy only works if we’re about to break up. Truth: Therapy is effective for prevention, growth, and repair at any stage. Myth: Therapists want us to stay together and won’t help us separate Truth: Couples therapists are trained to help you discern if you all want and can stay together, but they also are often holding space to process the dissolution and will take you on that process if you decide that. When Therapy May Not Be Enough Sometimes, couples therapy reveals that the relationship cannot continue in a healthy way. This might be the case if: There is ongoing abuse. One partner refuses to participate honestly. The relationship no longer aligns with your values or needs. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that you are not alone, and support is available—reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help and safety. (800)799-7233. If you want help individually in how to safely end a relationship, do not hesitate to reach out for individual support. Our time together is confidential. In most cases, therapy can still provide clarity and support as you decide the next steps. Key Takeaways Couples therapy works best when you set goals, stay honest, and remain open to feedback. Patience and commitment are essential — change takes time. Practicing skills outside of sessions strengthens progress. Somatic therapy can deepen healing by addressing the body and nervous system. Online therapy is just as effective for couples who prefer it. Myths about therapy can hold people back — but the truth is, it’s a powerful tool for connection and growth. Couples therapy is an opportunity to grow, reconnect, and create a healthier relationship. By showing up with honesty, patience, and commitment, you and your partner can make the most of the process. Whether you’re seeking to repair a rupture, improve communication, or simply deepen your bond, therapy offers guidance and support along the way. Start Working With a Couples Therapist in San Diego, CA At Compass Healing Project, our therapists are here to help you and your partner navigate the challenges and joys of your relationship. Contact us anytime. We are here and ready to support you and your relationships. Our Couples Therapists have openings in our San Diego, California, in-person location and virtually throughout California and Colorado. Start your therapy journey with Compass Healing Project by following these simple steps: Fill out this form, email us, or call us at 760-456-7713. Meet with a caring therapist Start finding the support you need for your relationship! Other Services Offered at Compass Healing Project At Compass Healing Project, we take a holistic approach to therapy, using a range of modalities to support various mental health needs. In addition to relationship therapy, we can help reclaim your nervous system with somatic therapy, and offer intensive couples therapy. In addition, we also offer support for teens, EMDR, Clinical Sexology, hypnotherapy, ketamine-assisted therapy, and embodiment practices—each tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, and sexuality concerns. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our compassionate therapists in Colorado and California, who specialize in trauma resolution, emotional healing, and integrative therapy to support your journey to well-being.

There are times when even the strongest relationships are rattled for what seems like no reason at all. You may love your partner deeply, and still argue about small things; this is totally normal. But when things are going amazingly, there are sudden ruptures or shifts in dynamics that are confusing, deeply unique, and complex. The answer may come from something called a family system. A family system is the way your family functioned relationally while you were growing up. Think of how the immediate family you grew up around handled feelings, stress, love, conflict, and communication. As children, these patterns and ways of handling the complexity of our inner world and social systems stick with us. Whether conscious or not, they live within us as fundamental parts of how we handle adult relationships. Understanding family systems can help couples understand each other. Like why certain things seem impossible to talk about, and why they react in certain ways during conflict. If this is resonating already, support is the way to go. At Compass Healing Project, we offer deep support with getting to the bottom of family systems through somatic relationship therapy, resulting in a deeper, more connected, and fulfilling relationship. What Is a Family System? A family system is, at its core, the emotional environment you grew up in. Every family has rules, habits, and patterns, some spoken, some unspoken. There are families that talk openly about feelings. Others avoid difficult conversations. Some families show affection often, while others may withhold affection. The only way children learn about relationships is by watching the adults around them. While there are some external influences like media and friendships, our brains are wired to function within our family systems in order to survive. This means that whether we understand it or like it, children will learn to function within the family system they were born into. This isn't something that just goes away, even when you move away from home; it lives within our foundation for relationships. Over time, these lessons become part of how they will think and behave in any adult relationships. For example: A child raised in a calm, safe home may feel comfortable talking about and expressing emotions, as well as boundaries and values. A child raised in a home with an angry and emotionally unpredictable parent might be constantly on edge in a relationship. Often asking “are you mad at me” or overapologizing. Someone who had to care for their siblings from a very young age may become overly responsible in adult relationships, or they could deeply resent this unwarranted responsibility and become agitated when asked to do things. A child who often felt ignored in childhood may struggle to trust their worth and feel a deep hunger for attention later in life. Someone may become defensive easily because criticism was common in their family. These patterns are normal and highly specific to the circumstances that caused them, but they can create huge blind spots because of how early they were developed. You might not notice them because, well, they've always been there. How Childhood Experiences Shape Adult Relationships Your childhood experiences affect how you handle love, stress, and emotional connection. This does not mean your future is decided by your past, but it may mean your beginnings influence how you handle your future. People often bring old habits into new relationships without realizing it. One partner may shut down during arguments because they grew up in a home where emotions were ignored. Depending on how the other partner in this relationship functions, this shutdown could be perceived as abandonment or rejection due to being ignored as a child. You could see how this can create fundamental issues for a couple or even a friendship. This is why Somatic Relationship Therapy in Colorado is so helpful. Somatic therapy allows us to leave all the storylines of the argument behind and get into the deep pain being felt inside. When we address the pain directly, we know where it's coming from. It’s not just that you don't like to have hard conversations with your partner; you were conditioned not to express yourself emotionally. This creates space and understanding to heal and move forward. Common Family Roles That Affect Relationships In many families, children take on certain roles. It’s important to remember that children depend on their caregivers for survival. These roles are stepped into for protection from unstable emotional systems and are not the fault of the child. It's normal to get comfortable in these roles, carry them into adulthood, and romantic relationships. The Caregiver The caregiver tries to fix problems and take care of everyone else. In relationships, this person may struggle to ask for help or may feel responsible for their partner’s happiness. The Peacemaker The peacemaker avoids conflict at all costs. They may keep quiet instead of sharing honest feelings. Over time, this can lead to resentment. The Achiever The achiever feels pressure to succeed and make others proud. In relationships, they may struggle with perfectionism or fear failure. The Rebel The rebel pushes against rules and authority. They may struggle with trust or commitment because independence feels safer. The Invisible Child This person learned to stay quiet and unnoticed. As an adult, they may have trouble expressing needs or asking for emotional support. Understanding these roles can help couples see each other with more compassion. Attachment Styles and Relationships Family systems also affect attachment styles. Attachment styles describe how people connect emotionally with others. Secure Attachment People with secure attachment often feel comfortable with closeness and communication. Anxious Attachment People with anxious attachment may fear rejection or abandonment. They often need reassurance from their partner. Avoidant Attachment People with avoidant attachment may struggle with emotional closeness. They may pull away during conflict. Disorganized Attachment People with disorganized attachment may want closeness but also fear it. This can create confusion in relationships. Learning about attachment styles is a common part of Couples Therapy in Colorado because it helps partners understand each other better. Communication Patterns Learned in Childhood If you have experienced a less-than-ideal family system environment, it can impact your own communication skills, even if the neglect was not abuse or intentional. Some common unhealthy communication habits include: Interrupting during arguments Giving the silent treatment Avoiding difficult conversations Becoming overly defensive Blaming instead of listening Healthy communication can be learned. Relationship therapy in Colorado helps couples practice listening, empathy, and emotional honesty. Trauma and Family Systems Some people grow up in homes affected by trauma. Trauma may include divorce, addiction, abuse, neglect, or constant conflict. Even if these experiences happened years ago, they can still affect adult relationships. People with childhood trauma may: Fear abandonment Struggle with trust Feel emotionally overwhelmed Avoid vulnerability Struggle with physical intimacy May not know what they like and what they don’t like React strongly during conflict Somatic Therapy creates a safe space to work through these experiences. Many therapists offering Couples Therapy in Colorado help couples heal from past trauma together. Family Expectations and Relationship Pressure Family expectations can also affect relationships. Some families have strong beliefs about marriage, parenting, gender roles, religion, or cultural traditions. These expectations may create stress when partners have different backgrounds or values. Couples may argue about: Parenting styles Money habits Holiday traditions Boundaries with relatives Marriage expectations Talking openly about family expectations helps couples create their own healthy relationship rules. Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns The good news is that unhealthy family patterns can change. Awareness is the first step. A treatment plan with certain goals can help unwind these deep-seated reactions and unhealthy cycles. A few of those goals might include: Notice Your Triggers Pay attention to situations that create strong emotional reactions. Ask yourself where those feelings may come from. Practice Honest Communication Share feelings calmly and clearly. Avoid blaming language. Using “ I feel misunderstood” as opposed to “You never understand what I mean”. Set Healthy Boundaries Boundaries protect emotional health. It is okay to say no and ask for space when needed. Learn Emotional Regulation Mindful breathing, mindfulness, and grounding exercises can help during stressful moments. How Couples Therapy Helps Somatic Couples Therapy is not only for relationships in crisis. Many couples seek support to improve communication and emotional connection. A therapist can help couples: Understand family patterns Improve communication Resolve conflict in healthy ways Rebuild trust Increase emotional intimacy Create shared relationship goals Couples Therapy in Colorado offers support for couples at every stage of life, including dating, marriage, parenting, and long-term partnerships. Creating a Healthier Relationship Healthy relationships are built through understanding, patience, and emotional safety. Learning about family systems helps couples understand why they react the way they do. No family is perfect. Everyone carries experiences from childhood into adulthood. The important thing is recognizing those patterns and choosing healthier ways to connect. With support, couples can build stronger communication, deeper trust, and healthier emotional habits. Whether you are dealing with conflict, stress, or emotional distance, Couples Therapy in Colorado can help you and your partner grow together. If you are looking for compassionate and inclusive support, LGBTQ friendly relationship therapy in Colorado, all of our clinicians at Compass Healing Project provide safe spaces for healing, understanding, and connection. Final Thoughts Family systems shape how people think about love, trust, and communication. These early experiences can affect relationships in powerful ways. The good news is that growth and healing are always possible. By understanding your family patterns, practicing healthy communication, and seeking support when needed, you can create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. Many couples discover that therapy helps them feel more connected, understood, and emotionally safe. Start Relationship Therapy in Golden, CO No matter your background, identity, or relationship challenges, support is available. Relationship therapy in Colorado and LGBTQ friendly therapy in Colorado can help couples create stronger bonds and healthier futures together. The caring team of therapists at Compass Healing Project can help you find lasting healing. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps: Reach out today for a free discovery 20-minute consultation! Meet with a caring therapist Start creating stronger, lasting relationships. Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project Somatic-based LGBTQ-friendly therapy is not the only service offered by Compass Healing Project. We offer a variety of mental health services, including ketamine assisted therapy, Hypnotherapy, Clinical Sexology, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. We also offer intensive couples therapy and teen therapy. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in Golden, CO. About the Author Natalie Cooney (she/her) LMFT CO .0001680 is the Lead Therapist, Director, and Clinical Supervisor of Compass Healing Project. Natalie is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Certified Sex Therapist, Psychedelic Assisted Therapist, Resilience Touch Therapist, and EMDR Therapist. She specializes in Sacred Energetics, Integrative Nutrition, Somatic Regulation, and all things trauma- and attachment-related. Natalie is currently full, and her waitlist is closed. Her team is hand-picked, incredible, and has current openings. Inquire Here to be matched!

It's Summer Solstice My Loves I see how hard you’ve worked this spring. The countless hours of dedication to your responsibilities, the devotion to what is on your plate, and the mental energy dispensed to create what is present today. I see and feel your impact. Settle in, notice your body breathing on its own. You’ve done so much. Would you be willing to lie down on the grass in the warm sunlight? Or lounge on your porch with the late light aglow, or surrender to a good float in a river, lake, pool, or ocean? I’m sure you are tired and ready for a break. Or maybe a warm night picnic with all the fixings and dearest beloveds, that might just do the trick. The summer solstice portal this weekend is an invitation to pull the conductor lever to change tracks, to initiate a whole new vibe for the summer months ahead. At each solstice and equinox, any changing of the season, I am reminded that my soul’s purpose isn’t about effort. It is about presence. I choose to pull the lever, and so can you, as the conductor of my own train, and change tracks. As complex, habituated humans, however, that decision has required many mindful embodied integration steps. And each solstice, especially summer, the shift is just a little bit easier. Many moments in our lives can remind us of our deeper intention or soul purpose; music, food, touch, a swim in water, dancing at a concert in the sunlight, or a loving gaze of a friend, pet, or ally. Those moments are meant for living. And you are worthy to receive. If you want support in this coming season, we will meet you wherever you need to be met. Through couples’ intimacy work, communication issues, or rupture and repair. We are here. We will meet you in your healing from trauma, pain, stress, anxiety, and depression. We will meet you there. And we are holding sacred your own journey in this lifetime. Please don’t hesitate to reply all or reach out for guidance. We are on your team. Natalie Cooney Clinical Director, Supervisor + Creatrix SEP | AASECT Certified Sex Therapist | LMFT CA-CO-OR Abby Nipp (She/Her) Exclusively working with couples, relationships, and families in person in Golden Abby is: ⏺ Trauma-trained and informed ⏺ Somatic ⏺ Specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, mind-body, and mindfulness ⏺ a whole-person social justice and an LGBTQIA+ ally Abby can help with: ☀️Attachment wounds and repair ✨Relational and emotional distress, pain, and wounding 🌻Mind-body connection 🌞LGBTQ+ Relationships and Families Abby has CURRENT OPENINGS IN PERSON for relationship, couples, and family therapy! Schedule a Discovery Call With Abby Openings IN PERSON IN San Diego, CA, and ONLINE for all of California Linda Rankin (she/her) Individuals, Teens, Relationships + Couples Registered Associate | AMFT 148140 Supervised by Natalie Cooney #94578 Linda can help with: 🌻Grief & Loss 🌼PTSD 🌿Trauma overwhelm, numbness & sensitivity 🪸Anxiety & Depression Schedule a Discovery Call With Linda Jessi Eckert (she/her) Individuals, Teens, Relationships + Couples Registered Associate | AMFT 153766 Supervised by Natalie Cooney #94578 Jessi can help with: 🪴PTSD (Including prolonged or complex) ☀️Couples + Relationships 💔Shame 🤝Inner child healing Schedule a Discovery Call With Jessi AASECT CONFERENCE Basking in the Afterglow Presenting my model of healing trauma with pleasure embodiment and pleasure activism with providers, therapists, and educators was such an incredible honor. The presentation was awarded the Schiller Prize for its innovation and application to our present world, and it was just the tip of the iceberg of my work in pleasure activism, pleasure-based healing, somatics, sex therapy, and psychedelic/expanded healing states work. Yum, just yum. The presentations ranged from ADHD/Neurodiversity, Aging, Equity and Societal context predicting sexual health, Endometriosis, Pelvic pain, Out of Control Sexual Behavior, gender politics, research rebellion,...wow. We, as an integrative somatic team that works with sex and intimacy, are going to be rolling out what we learned as we bring it to our clients! We Would Love To hear from you! Just click on the state you are in and bam--the review box awaits. THANK YOU⭐️ New location in Carlsbad starting this July🎉 How Integrative Somatic Therapy Helps Heal Hypervigilance and Stress in Relationships Have you ever noticed how, in moments of conflict with someone close to you, your reactions seem to outpace your intentions? READ MORE HERE Virtual Openings in the state of Colorado Ketamine, Hypnotherapy, Somatic Trauma Resolution, Psychedelic Assisted Therapy & Integration Support​ in addition to Golden Office. SCHEDULE ONLINE HAPPY PRIDE🏳️‍🌈 Everyone is Welcome Here Support your local Library! Here are some free activities to do with your little ones this summer break☀️ What are we reading this month? How To Love Better by Yung Pueblo Yung Pueblo examines all aspects of relationships, from the rose-colored early days when you may be hesitant to show your full self, to the challenges that can arise without clear communication, to dealing with heartbreak and healing as you close a chapter of your life. READ HERE

In recent years, there has been a major shift in how society understands and responds to conversion therapy. Laws banning this practice in many places have marked an important step forward for LGBTQ+ rights and mental health. However, as ignorance spreads, these laws are under constant evaluation, and the rights of minorities are vulnerable. To truly understand what comes next, we have to look at the aftermath, not just in the laws and policies, but in our own nervous systems, in relationships, and in the larger systemic structures we live in. Through a somatic lens, we begin to see that healing is not only about overcoming adversity. It is about how the body holds, processes, and eventually releases trauma. What Is Conversion Therapy and Why Does It Matter? Conversion therapy refers to practices that try to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. These methods are cruel, inhumane, and have been widely discredited by major mental health organizations. Research shows they can cause deep emotional harm, including anxiety, depression, and trauma. The laws we have in place are a direct result of the many people who are still living with the pain of these experiences. For some, the harm is recent. For others, it happened years ago but still shows up in daily life. This is why examining the aftermath and the ethics of these practices being brought back into question matters. Ending the practice is only the first step. Supporting the healing of the collective community harmed by conversion therapy is the next step. A Somatic Lens: Understanding Trauma in the Body When we talk about trauma, we often focus on thoughts or memories. But trauma also lives in the body. This is one of the foundations of somatic therapy. A somatic lens helps us understand how experiences like conversion therapy can affect the nervous system. Someone may feel constantly on edge, shut down, riddled with shame, dread, or disconnected. These are not just emotional reactions—they are physical sensations and responses shaped by the pain and abuse conversion therapy brings. For example: Tightness in the chest may show up when talking about identity A constant loop of negative self-talk An incomplete or poor image of the self Numbness or disconnection can happen during relationships Shame tied to identity Difficulty trusting others Fear of rejection or abandonment Struggles with self-worth Disconnection from the body These are signs that the body is still trying to protect itself. Even in supportive environments, these patterns can continue. That’s because the body learned them over time. Healing, then, is not about “moving on” quickly. It is about slowly rebuilding a sense of safety from the inside out. Somatic Therapy works by gently helping the body feel safe again. It focuses on awareness, breath, movement, and small shifts that allow the nervous system to settle. The Lingering Impact of The History of Conversion Therapy The ruling against conversion therapy sent a strong message: people should not be forced to change who they are. The shame that comes along with such treatment typically comes from others' desires or anxiety being placed on us. Research shows that this shame then gets internalized and leads to higher levels of depression and increased suicidal ideation. Internalized shame requires support to uncouple others' influential voices, restoring connection and repair to the parts of ourselves that experienced shame that was not ours to begin with. From there, we can increase our agency and find choice by exploring our own desires and relationship to pleasure. Conversion therapy bypasses this process and instead solidifies those shame patterns, trapping those damaged parts, leading to the feeling that our bodies store our trauma. The Role of LGBTQ+ Affirming Care Affirming care is a key part of this healing process. It means access to therapists who are not only knowledgeable of LGBTQ+ identities but also actively support and celebrate them. In our practice, LGBTQ+ allyship is not just a statement, it is part of how we show up every day. At Compass Healing Project we understand the unique challenges LGBTQ+ individuals face, especially those who have experienced harm like conversion therapy. This means: Creating a safe, non-judgmental space Using inclusive language Understanding identity as fluid and personal Supporting clients in reconnecting with their authentic selves Moving towards healing shame and rejection around identity Finding a therapist who is not only accepting but also trauma-informed (and trained!) and deeply understanding of the struggles that come with the suppression of LGBTQIA+ rights can be extremely beneficial. When you feel seen and respected, the nervous system can begin to relax. That is creating a place for healing and true acceptance. Couples and Relationship Therapy: Healing Together Conversion therapy often affects more than just the individual. It can impact relationships with partners, parents, and family members. This is where couples and family therapy can play an important role. For couples, somatic therapy can help: Rebuild trust Improve communication Navigate identity-related stress Strengthen emotional connection For families, therapy can: Address misunderstandings about identity Repair harm caused by past beliefs or actions Build stronger, more supportive relationships Healing in relationships is not always easy. There may be pain, guilt, or confusion, and harmful patterns. But with professional and personal guidance, any relationship can move toward greater understanding and connection. Systemic Healing: Growth Beyond the Individual While individual therapy is powerful, it is not enough on its own. The effects of conversion therapy are tied to larger systems like cultural, religious, and social beliefs that shaped these practices in the first place. Systemic healing means looking at the bigger picture. It asks questions like: How do our communities support or harm LGBTQ+ individuals? What messages are still being passed down about identity? How can we create safer environments for future generations? Growth as a society happens when we take responsibility not just for past harm, but for present change. This includes: Educating communities Supporting inclusive policies Promoting mental health awareness Creating and defending spaces where all identities are valued Systemic healing and growth are ongoing processes. They require both awareness and action from all of us. Moving From Survival to Safety within Yourself Many people who have experienced conversion therapy have spent years in survival mode. This might look like hiding parts of themselves, avoiding conflict, or constantly scanning for danger. Somatic therapy helps shift from survival to growth. In survival mode: The body is tense The mind is focused on a threat or can be perceived as defensive Energy is used to keep a guard up and protect yourself emotionally In growth mode: The body feels more relaxed The mind can explore and create Energy is used for connection and joy This shift does not happen overnight. But with support, it is possible. The Importance of Safe Spaces Healing cannot happen without safety. This is true both in therapy and in everyday life. Safe spaces allow individuals to: Express themselves freely Explore identity without fear Build trust with others Practice new ways of being For LGBTQIA+ individuals, especially those affected by conversion therapy, safe spaces are essential. Therapy can be one of those spaces. So can supportive communities, friendships, and chosen families. Hope After Harm It is important to be clear: the harm caused by conversion therapy is real and lasting, and so is the healing provided by knowledgeable, understanding clinicians. The recent court case revolving around a talk therapist discussing how to provide sensitive and informed care for the LGBTQIA+ community was disheartening to many, including us. We figured out long ago the harm these kinds of practices or styles of therapy can cause, and are disheartened to see it considered lawful. I care deeply about my community and serving those in it with care backed by education, intending to reduce harm. Listening, educating oneself, and understanding what the community needs is a reflection of growth, understanding of identity, mental health, and human dignity. When we “other” others and then begin to set standards for them, without actually coming alongside to hear, understand, or learn is discriminatory and violent. If the current state of our world and recent rulings in Colorado have been affecting you, I want you to remember that safety is not just found in laws. It is found in the small, everyday moments of healing and living: Feeling safe in your own body Speaking your truth Connecting with others Experiencing joy without fear These moments build over time. And there are informed, safe therapists who can help you achieve this sense of safety. Moving Forward There is still so much work to be done. A somatic approach reminds us that healing is not just about changing laws or beliefs. It is about supporting the whole person in the mind, body, and relationships. By combining affirming care, couples and family therapy, and a focus on systemic healing and growth, we can create a path forward that is both compassionate and effective. This is not just about recovering from harm. It is about building a future where we can live fully as ourselves, free from shame. Start Somatic Therapy in Golden, CO Conversion therapy practices in many areas are still desired and accepted by some members of society. While disheartening, some people are fighting for rights and access to affirming care for the LGBTQIA+ community. We understand the real work continues in the lives of those who were and are affected and harmed by discrimination against this community. You deserve to be loved as you are. Healing takes time. It takes support. And it takes spaces where people feel safe to be who they are. Incorporating Somatic Therapy, we can better understand the deep impact of these experiences and, more importantly, how to move beyond them. As individuals, families, and a society, we have the opportunity to grow in knowledge and understanding every day. Not just by rejecting harmful practices, but by actively creating systems of care, connection, and belonging. That is where true healing begins. You can start your therapy journey with Compass Healing Project by following these steps: Reach out today for a free discovery 20-minute consultation! Meet with a caring therapist Start finding lasting healing Recources Abby Nipp - LBTQIA+ affirming therapist, Golden, Colorado The Trevor Project - the world's largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ youth, offering 24/7 support via phone, text, and chat. Trevor Lifeline: A 24/7 phone crisis line (1-866-488-7386). Trevor Text/Chat: Free, confidential, secure instant messaging/texting with counselors (text START to 678-678). Suicide Prevention: 24/7 info and resources on Suicide Prevention Community LGBT Center - a safe space to find community, support, and resources in San Diego Community LGBT Center - a safe space to find community, support, and resources in Denver, Colorado Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project LGBTQIA+ supportive therapy is not the only service offered by Compass Healing Project. We offer a variety of mental health services, including couples/relationship-focused therapy, ketamine assisted therapy, Hypnotherapy, Clinical Sexology, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. We also offer intensive couples therapy and teen therapy. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in Golden, CO. About the Author Natalie Cooney (she/her) LMFT CO .0001680 is the Lead Therapist, Director, and Clinical Supervisor of Compass Healing Project. Natalie is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Certified Sex Therapist, Psychedelic Assisted Therapist, Resilience Touch Therapist, and EMDR Therapist. She specializes in Sacred Energetics, Integrative Nutrition, Somatic Regulation, and all things trauma- and attachment-related. Natalie is currently full, and her waitlist is closed. Her team is hand-picked, incredible, and has current openings. Inquire Here to be matched!

Somatic therapy encompasses numerous modalities, including Somatic Experiencing™ (SE), Somatic Trauma Resolution™ (STR), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting, hypnotherapy, breathwork techniques, and more. When you experience trauma, your nervous system is designed to protect you and it can only respond in certain ways to keep you safe. A word about trauma here before I continue. When people hear the word trauma, they often think of things like sexual assault or physical abuse. However, trauma comes from many sources. Sources of Trauma There are numerous sources of trauma, including birth trauma, developmental trauma, medical trauma, car accidents, major injuries, betrayal, neglect, physical, mental, emotional, psychological, verbal, and sexual abuse, natural disasters, war, vicarious trauma, historical, collective, ethnic and racial trauma (and much more). How the Body Responds to Trauma From a Somatic perspective, trauma disrupts the healthy functioning of the nervous system, causing dysfunction throughout the entire organism. Regardless of the source, trauma is an event that overwhelms the nervous system. The nervous system responds the same way to someone yelling and slamming doors as it does to a tiger chasing you in the jungle. The nervous system is complex, but its response to trauma is simple - keep you alive. And it does that through one of four responses: fight, flight or flee, freeze or collapse, and fawn. Explaining the Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Responses The fight response improves eyesight and hearing, speeds up breathing, and sends blood to your muscles, signaling your body to fight to protect yourself. The flight (also called flee) response signals your body to run away to get you out of danger. The freeze, or collapse, response occurs when you can’t run away or fight back. The body shuts down and you dissociate so you don’t feel what’s happening. This reduces your experience of overwhelm, terror, fear, and physical pain - all to keep you safe. In a freeze response, your body may feel completely out of your conscious control, unable to move or respond. Fawning is your nervous system’s way of avoiding danger or distress by attempting to please others. It manifests as people-pleasing to gain approval or make others like you, difficulty identifying your feelings, trouble saying "no,” over-apologizing, holding back your opinions or preferences, and putting your discomfort, needs, and wants on the back burner. Additionally, you may feel like you don’t have an authentic self, struggle with boundaries, or change your preferences to match others' preferences to avoid rocking the boat. How Your Body Releases the Stress from Your Nervous System After a traumatic event is over and your nervous system tells your brain that it’s safe, the brain sends signals to your body to gradually ‘come back online,’ and then the body begins to discharge the trauma from your nervous system. When the body discharges the trauma, you might feel extremely hot or cold, and experience shivering, shaking, sweating, crying, laughing, or uncontrollable body movements or twitches, such as flailing arms or legs, or muscle quivers. This is all very normal and helps your body return to normal baseline functioning, or homeostasis. Depending on the type of trauma, your body may come back online within a few minutes, or it may take days or weeks. However, most people don’t allow this normal trauma discharge to occur because they don’t understand what’s happening, it might feel scary, or they may feel embarrassed about their body’s reaction if other people are around. What Happens if the Trauma Doesn’t Get Released? If the trauma release is deliberately suppressed, it gets stuck in the body. Over time, it may develop into physical pain, anxiety, depression, autoimmune issues, digestive issues, or chronic disconnection from the body’s sensations and emotions. You may experience reduced or heightened responses, that don’t make sense to your rational mind. This leads to further difficulty in knowing how you’re truly feeling or how to respond appropriately. Because the trauma is still living in your nervous system and tissues, your response may not match the intensity of the current experience. For example, a loud noise may cause you to shut down and feel numb or anxious, or fly into a rage and not be able to control your emotions or what you say. Another example: a loud noise may cause a Fibromyalgia or IBS flare-up, which you don’t connect to the triggering loud noise because there’s a time delay. The response doesn’t match the loud noise because it’s not the current event that’s causing the response. Rather, the event is triggering the dormant trauma in your nervous system, but your conscious mind doesn’t connect the dots. This can lead to distrust in the body, creating further disconnection and loss of awareness of the body’s nuanced cues about what it’s responding to and what it needs for support. It seems like the wires get crossed and disconnected at the same time. Many clients I have worked with over the years say things such as “I hate that my body does this,” or “I feel betrayed by my body.” It breaks my heart to hear people say these kinds of things because their bodies are just doing what they’re designed to do - keep them safe and alive, even if the response isn’t threatening. Somatic therapy modalities are designed to reconnect you with your body and clear the original trauma imprints from your nervous system, and foster a body felt sense of safety, enabling you to respond appropriately to current events, further increasing trust in your body’s responses. How does somatic therapy reconnect you with your body? Therapists who emphasize talk therapy generally focus on the mind and changing thoughts and beliefs. This involves telling the story, but the part of your brain that remembers the story isn’t connected to the part of the brain, nervous system, and tissues where the trauma actually lives. I explain to clients that old traumas that haven’t been healed are like tiny frozen time capsules that get triggered by current events. Until you thaw out and release the frozen trauma, it causes disruptions in everything, including your mood, sleep, digestion, how you respond to people and events, and all levels of well-being. Somatic therapists work with the nervous system, which includes the emotional and primal parts of the brain to improve connection to the body, increase bodily awareness, and support deep healing and transformation. Where trauma gets stored isn’t rational, logical, or linear. It’s stored in memory networks and accessed, not through talking about it, but through experiencing body-felt sensations. Somatic therapy accesses the traumatic events stored in your nervous system and tissues, which helps your body safely release the trauma imprints, even if you don’t remember what happened. This occurs through placing focused awareness on body sensations (or lack of sensations, including places of numbness or disconnection). When you disconnect from your body, you lose awareness of the body’s subtle cues, including thirst, hunger, emotional feelings, and bodily sensations. Somatic therapy brings your focus inward, inviting you to notice, to be present with, and to begin to feel again, increasing your connection and internal awareness. For example, when you have anxiety, a somatic therapist may guide you to focus on the sensations of your breathing, the tightness in your neck, jaw, or back, or the clenching in your stomach. They may ask you to place a hand on your heart, another hand on your belly, and tune into the sensation of breathing. Is your breathing shallow or deep? Where is your breath catching? Slowing down and being present also allows you to become present to other bodily sensations, such as a cold ropy tension in your forearms, cramping heat in your neck, a feeling of someone pressing down with a heavy weight, or prickly twisty cramping tightness in your lower belly. From a somatic perspective, your body’s way of asking for support is through sensation. Good sensations are your body’s way of saying things are going well. Uncomfortable or painful sensations are your body’s SOS signal, asking for your attention and help. A skilled therapist will support you to become present, feel safe to feel again by staying within what’s called your window of tolerance, build safety and resourcing in your nervous system, which increases the ability to feel even more, fostering resilience, which helps move the trauma out of your nervous system. Getting in touch with your body’s sensations and the underlying emotions can feel overwhelming, scary, and unsafe. A somatic therapist will help you build resources and support you to feel through the scary parts, which helps you restore safety and resilience in your body, emotions, and nervous system. Over time, you will begin to trust your body and regain confidence in the ways your body responds to your emotions and environment. Benefits of Somatic Therapy Somatic Therapy has many benefits, including reduced physical and emotional discomfort and distress and a strengthened connection between the mind and body. Other benefits include improved ability to experience physical sensations, improved ability to feel internal body cues, such as tightness, hunger, and thirst (also called interoception), improved sleep and digestion, decreased anxiety and depression symptoms, improved mood, improved communication and interpersonal skills, and an overall improved sense of peace, harmony, well-being, and sense of thriving. Start Somatic Therapy in San Diego, CA and Golden, CO If you’ve never worked with a somatic therapist and want to explore how somatic therapy might support you to heal the unresolved trauma living in your nervous system, reach out to one of our therapists at Compass Healing Project for a free Discovery Call. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps: Reach Out and Fill out our New Client Inquiry Form to get started. Schedule a discovery call with one of our skilled online therapists. Start experiencing the benefits of remote support today! Additional Counseling Services at Compass Healing Project At Compass Healing Project, we take a holistic approach to therapy, using a range of modalities to support various mental health needs. In addition to online therapy, we offer Somatic Therapy, EMDR, Clinical Sexology, hypnotherapy, ketamine-assisted therapy, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our compassionate therapists in Colorado and California. Our team specializes in trauma resolution, emotional healing, and integrative therapy to support your journey to well-being. References: DuBois-Maahs, J. (2020). What is Somatic Therapy and How Can It Benefit You? https://www.talkspace.com/blog/somatic-therapy-what-is-definition-get-started-guide/. Good Therapy. (2017). Somatic Psychotherapy. https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/somatic-psychotherapy Hübl, T. (2021). Listening. https://thomashuebl.com/listening/. Hübl, T. https://store.thomashuebl.com/en/produkt/pocket-project-resonance-body-of-a-group/ Kauser, K. (July 8, 2018). How somatic therapy can help patients suffering from psychological trauma. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-somatic-therapy-can-help-patients-suffering-from-psychological-trauma/. Levine, P., & Frederick, A. ( 1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma. North Atlantic Books. McDonough, M. (Spring 2024). Making Sense of Interoception. How we perceive what’s happening inside our bodies and what that means for our health. https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/making-sense-interoception#:~:text=It's%20a%20call%20from%20the,internal%20signals%20from%20the%20body. Payne, P., Levine, P. A., & Crane-Godreau, M. A. (2015). Somatic experiencing: using interoception and proprioception as core elements of trauma therapy. Frontiers in psychology, 6, 93. Doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00093. Psychology Today (2019). Somatic therapy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/somatic-therapy. Schwartz, A. https://drarielleschwartz.com/somatic-therapy/#.X_d6dthKjIU. Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Random House, LLC. Wolynn, M. (2016). It didn’t start with you: How inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle. Penguin Books.

Understanding the Experience of Body-Based Healing with a Somatic Therapist If you’ve ever left a therapy session feeling like you understood what was going on—but still didn’t feel much different—your body might be holding something more. Sometimes, even when our mind "gets it," our nervous system hasn’t fully caught up. That’s where somatic therapy can really help. Somatic therapy works with both your mind and your body. It helps you notice what you’re feeling inside, so you can process emotions, memories, and stress in a deeper, more lasting way. For people in San Diego, CA, who are looking for more than just talk therapy, working with a somatic therapist can be a powerful next step. It’s especially helpful if you’re dealing with anxiety, trauma, stress, or relationship struggles. This kind of therapy meets you where words sometimes fall short—by listening to the body’s signals, and using them as a guide toward healing. But what exactly happens in a somatic therapy session? And how do you know if this approach is right for you? Let’s take a closer look at what to expect when working with a somatic therapist—and how this type of care can support your well-being in a personal, body-aware, and compassionate way. What Is Somatic Therapy? “Somatic” simply means of the body. In somatic therapy, we don’t separate your thoughts and emotions from your body. Your nervous system, physical sensations, and emotional experiences are all interconnected, and they manifest in how you relate, cope, and navigate the world. In integrative somatic therapy we are considering the whole person. In Whole-person therapy (aka Integrative Somatic Therapy) you can expect to be seen as a whole person and have yourself be honored: Uniquely Minded: you may feel neurotypical, neurodiverse, and/or neuro “spicy” Cultural significance Sexually and Gender Unique Ethnic and Racial diversity, connection to origins, trauma, social injustice, power and oppression, discrimination Spiritual and Spirit Matters honored and explored Relationally complex, carrying multiple, and different roles Core Self, Authentic Self, and True Self longings, desires, and goals Early family of origin imprints Early, Middle, and Late Environmental Influences Exposures to nature, urbanity, rural or unique eco systems that influence psychology and healing states Community support, community trauma, relational safe havens Vacation, Calling, and Career Mothering, Fathering, Parenting, Birthing, and/or Raising Children Feelings, Emotions and Heart-Based experiences Pleasure, Joy, and Embodiment of Aliveness A somatic therapist is trained to help you notice and work with these signals in a safe and supportive way. That might include: Bringing attention to breath, posture, or areas of tension Noticing body sensations during emotional experiences Tracking nervous system responses like shutting down, fawning, or flight Using movement, sound, or grounding to shift internal states gently Pausing and exploring different aspects of yourself, your life, and areas that are out of alignment. In a city like San Diego, where people often feel pressure to “have it all together,” somatic therapy can offer space to slow down and meet yourself more honestly. What Happens in a Somatic Therapy Session? No two somatic therapy sessions are the same. That’s part of what makes this approach so meaningful—it’s tailored to you, in real time. But generally, here’s what a session with a somatic therapist might include: 1. Arriving and Checking In The session begins with a simple check-in. Your therapist may ask how you’re feeling today or what’s been coming up for you. Unlike traditional talk therapy, you’ll likely be invited to check in not just with your thoughts, but with your body: Try feeling your feet on the floor or the chair supporting you. Is there any tension, tightness, or numbness? What physical cues show up as you talk? This isn’t about overthinking or trying to figure everything out. It’s about gently noticing what’s happening inside you—your body, your breath, your emotions. When you slow down and pay attention in this way, it opens a doorway into your nervous system. You begin to feel more connected to what’s really going on inside. That’s where healing starts. 2. Tracking and Resourcing From there, your therapist may help you track what's happening inside—like a flutter in your chest or pressure in your shoulders—without rushing to fix or change it. You may also explore internal or external resources: A place where you feel calm A memory of support Taking a look around and taking in your surroundings to help your body feel safe and present. This process helps your nervous system stay regulated as you explore vulnerable or stuck places. It’s part of what makes somatic therapy so effective for trauma and anxiety. 3. Going Deeper (At Your Own Pace) If you’re ready, you might begin exploring deeper experiences—like grief, trauma, or relationship wounds—through your body’s lens. This could involve: Moving into a posture your body feels drawn to Using techniques like titration and pendulation, you'll gently shift between areas of tension and relaxation, building tolerance and awareness over time. Through tracking sensations in your body, the therapist helps you explore what arises in sensation, emotion, and meaning. Exploring a freeze or collapse response Expressing something with your voice or gesture Your somatic therapist will always follow your lead and pace. Nothing is forced. The goal isn’t catharsis—it’s expanding resilience. When you pay attention with care and curiosity, you start to rewrite the old stories you’ve been carrying. One small moment at a time, your body learns that it’s safe to feel something new. For those interested in how trauma gets “stuck” in the nervous system—and how it can gently be released—“Waking the Tiger” by Peter Levine offers a deeper look into Somatic Experiencing, one of the foundational modalities behind this kind of work. 4. Integration and Closing Sessions typically end with a grounding or reflection. Your therapist may say something like: “Where do you feel lighter?” “What feels different in your body now?” “Take it easy and be kind to yourself today.” This helps bridge the work done in session with your everyday life, so you leave feeling more settled and supported, not raw or disoriented. Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All—Especially Somatic-based Therapy It’s essential to note that no two somatic therapists are alike. Just like your body and your story are uniquely yours, the way each therapist approaches somatic work will differ. Like us, some somatic therapists in San Diego are trained in specific modalities like: Somatic Experiencing (SE) Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Polyvagal-informed approaches Somatic EMDR Somatic IFS Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) Attachment-based or trauma-informed touch work Some somatic therapists may work with movement and sound, while others focus more on stillness, imagery, or mindfulness. We curate our approach to you and curate a healing process for you and your relationships. That’s why it’s essential to find a therapist who feels like a good fit—someone you feel safe with, who honors your pace, boundaries, and readiness. Therapy, like healing, isn’t one-size-fits-all. And in somatic work, your body is always the guide. What Makes Somatic Therapy in San Diego Unique? San Diego is a city that holds a lot—sunshine, busy lives, relational demands, and often high expectations for wellness and productivity. Somatic therapy here is uniquely positioned to offer: A way to provide your body with true relief in a fast-paced environment Tools for reconnecting with your body amidst screen time and stress Local therapists trained in cutting-edge trauma and somatic healing approaches Access to in-person therapy in San Diego and virtual options across California Whether you’re navigating burnout, relationship challenges, anxiety, or simply want to feel more grounded and connected, working with a somatic therapist can help you come home to yourself. Is Somatic Therapy Right for Me? Somatic therapy is especially helpful if: You feel overwhelmed or disconnected from your body You’ve tried talk therapy but still feel stuck You live with chronic stress, anxiety, or trauma responses You want to feel more present in your relationships You’re craving a slower, more embodied way of healing You have experiences in your body that cause frustration, distress, overwhelm, or experiences that lower your functioning at home, work, and in your relationships. You have “stuck” trauma that may express itself in pain, pleasure embodiment issues, or feeling “activated”. It’s also a great option for couples, especially when communication or conflict feels reactive, fast, or you can't stop arguing about the same things. Somatic work in couples therapy can help each partner slow down, look inside themselves, and listen from the body up, not just the mind. Our therapists in California are trained Marriage and Family therapists who have training in couples, relationships, parenting, teens, and individuals. This means your therapist can navigate intimacy issues, sexuality explorations, betrayals, rupture and repair, and how to connect like you dream to connect. Ready to Work with a Somatic Therapist in San Diego, CA? If this sounds like the kind of support you’ve been looking for, we’d love to connect. Our team of somatic and relational therapists offers in-person sessions in San Diego and online therapy throughout California and Colorado. Whether you're starting fresh or returning to therapy, you're welcome here, just as you are. Reach out anytime to schedule a free consultation or ask any questions. Healing doesn’t have to be rushed. Your body already holds the map—we’re just here to help you read it. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps: Fill out this form, email us, or call us at 760-456-7713. Meet with a caring therapist Start regulating your nervous system and finding lasting healing! Other Services Offered at Compass Healing Project At Compass Healing Project, we take a holistic approach to therapy, using a range of modalities to support various mental health needs. In addition to somatic therapy, we also offer EMDR, Clinical Sexology, relationship therapy, hypnotherapy, ketamine-assisted therapy, and embodiment practices—each tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, and sexuality concerns. We also provide support though IFS and integrative healing. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our compassionate therapists in Colorado and California, who specialize in trauma resolution, emotional healing, and integrative therapy to support your journey to well-being. REFERENCES Compass Healing Project blog - By Natalie Cooney, LMFT

Oftentimes, healing can begin with learning to listen to the quiet and true voice of the body. When we talk about somatic therapy, one of the first doorways into healing is learning the language of sensations. Sensations are the language in which the nervous system speaks. Our emotions are usually a mixture of complex sensations that our brain interprets and names “sad”, “angry”, “happy”, “grief”, “connected”, etc. Learning to listen to and become aware of our sensations is the gateway to emotional intelligence and feeling emotionally regulated. But what are sensations? How can we recognize, name, and utilize them as a deeper way to understand and express ourselves on our healing journey? What does “somatic” mean? “Somatic” comes from soma, a Greek word that means body. But in healing work, “somatic” means more than just the physical. It means the body as felt from within. It’s noticing what your body is doing—not just what you see or what someone else tells you, but what’s alive in your skin, muscles, breath, bones, heart, and nerves. Sensations are tiny signals. They tell us when we feel safe, when we feel threatened, when we long for rest, and inform us when we are carrying old wounds. Sensations tell us what state of the nervous system we are in: Sympathetic (fight or flight), Parasympathetic (Ventral: connected or rest + digest or Dorsal: freeze or fawn). Sensations are also the way we make sense of or interpret our environment and the feelings we experience as a result of what we are experiencing. Somatic Experiencing, one of the somatically informed modalities we utilize here, is a way of integrating the body into therapy. SE has a long history of helping clients drop into the language of sensation as a tool to complete protective sequences, digest traumatic activation, and regulate the nervous system. What are sensations? Sensations are physical feelings in your body. Some examples of sensations: Warm or cold Heavy or light Tight or relaxed Fluttery or still Buzzing or quiet These are not yet emotions. Sensations are what come first. Emotions often grow from sensations. For example: You feel a tightness in your chest (sensation) → That may escalate to anxiety or fear (emotion). Sensations are also different from thoughts. A thought is something your mind says: “I am angry” or “I feel alone.” A sensation is something you feel physically: Your chest pounding, your face getting hot, your muscles tensing. Why are sensations important for trauma healing? When we experience trauma or long-term stress without adequate intentional recovery, support, orientation back to safety, or “come down”, our body holds onto parts of that experience. The mind may try to forget, avoid, or push away, but the body remembers. In The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk or In An Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine, the way the nervous system underpins the sense of self, our emotions, our health, and our relationships to others, you better believe we are going to incorporate the body in the healing process, it is central. For example, you might notice: Jumpiness or startle reactions Body parts that feel numb or disconnected Breathing that feels fast or shallow Tension that you carry for no obvious reason Often, we may not even notice the sensations associated with holding trauma physically. They may have first arrived in early childhood or are accompanied by grief, and can be clouded and camouflaged. It may feel normal or not out of the ordinary. It may not yet be safe for you to tune in and listen to the sensations in your body without proper support. This is okay, and it can be very overwhelming to feel something your body has been protecting you from for ages. This is why Somatic therapy is so important and vital for this kind of healing. It is a gentle approach in the sense that we, as somatic therapists, understand the body desires safety and will act in accordance with seeking safety and to protect. In Somatic Therapy, the goal is not to overwhelm you with so many new sensations. The goal is to gently remind the body that it is safe now and that it is okay to slowly allow the integration of those sensations, the feelings, and the trauma to be felt. Somatic therapy helps someone return to the present, in a healing and safe environment, instead of being flooded by or triggered by the past. Sensations are one of the ways our body speaks to us. If we don’t listen, the body may continue to send signals through various sensations or physical symptoms until we are ready to address them. Somatic therapy “reads” those signals. It gives space for the body to say, “I am overwhelmed,” “I feel unsafe,” or “I need comfort.” How do we learn to notice sensations? Most of us were not taught to notice our body signals. We may ignore them, push them away, or label them quickly: “It’s nothing,” “It must be stress,” “I should tough it out.” But unfortunately, this does not actually dismiss the issue but creates an emotional time bomb. It will go off; they will come out in other ways. Being Disconnected from our Bodies is Normalized. Our society often depends on people to disconnect from their body signals to keep afloat. We have to work, we have to go to school, we have to take care of our children, work out, eat healthy, maintain friendships, be a good partner, and have hobbies. It's an impossible standard imposed on us as a whole, and many of us are never allowed the space to look within. We may not have the space, time, or support to open old wounds, to grieve, and really feel what is happening and its impact on us. This is the direct opposite of how we and our bodies were designed. Being forced to shut down emotionally in order to continue “carry on” causes many physical sensations and emotional symptoms. In a war-torn country, under oppression, discrimination, or in an abusive situation, this is meant for our survival, and thank goodness our nervous system knows how to do that (functional freeze). However, it is not how we are meant to live all of our days. Somatic therapy can actually allow space to feel the pain and begin healing without unraveling entirely. It can create just enough space to start to re-embody your life and your relationships. Here are steps to build somatic awareness of the healing sensations in the body: Pause & scan. Take a moment once or twice a day. Sit or lie down. Ask, “What do I notice in my body that feels good right now?”Maybe you feel your feet being supported by the floor. Try to lean into the parts of your body that feel no pain. After eating your favorite meal, lean into the feeling of your stomach feeling satisfied and take it in. We love apps like Insight Timer, Calm, or Headway, as they have many guided body scan meditations. Retraining the nervous system happens in small practices like a simple body scan. Name sensation words. Build a small vocabulary of body feelings: heavy, fluttery, numb, tingling, soft, burning, expansive, etc. Giving a name helps. It turns vague into real. Feel free to reference this list of sensations. Notice neutrals and good sensations. When healing from trauma, we often only notice difficult sensations. Leave that for therapy sessions. Practice noticing when things feel okay or good. A soft belly, relaxed shoulders, warm sun on skin. Track movement. Sensations change. Notice when something shifts—relaxes, softens, intensifies, drifts away. That movement is part of healing. Gentle curiosity, no judgment. Sensations are just sensations. They are not moral failures. If you feel tight, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. If you feel numb, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. If any of this feels overwhelming, stop. Tune into your favorite sitcom or go for a walk. If you are alone and physically overwhelmed and triggered, it can be too much for your system. Find a resource to help you settle and return to a neutral state, and contact a Somatic Therapist before continuing. Examples of Sensations in Everyday Life: Situation Possible Sensations Waking up in the morning Maybe warmth in the bed, pressure under your body, heaviness in limbs, or softness in the pillow Talking to someone you love Maybe lightness in the chest, flutter in the stomach, cheeks warming Feeling stressed or worried Tightness in the jaw, tight belly, faster heartbeat, shallow breathing After a funny or joyful moment Warmth, relief, energy in limbs, a smile on your face Somatic Vocabulary helps can help you feel safer Having words for what you feel helps you connect with what you need. When you can say, “My chest feels tight,” that lets you pause and consider: do I need rest? Do I need breath? Do I need connection? Therapists often help clients build this vocabulary. As you get more practiced, your ability to tolerate the harder sensations increases. You may notice things that once overwhelmed you become more manageable. How sensations lead to deeper healing When you can notice sensations, name them, track them, something shifts. It’s like tuning into a radio and finally getting clear, instead of static. The healing path often looks like this: Noticing sensation → Creating safety around that sensation → Allowing it just to be (without needing to fix it) → Staying with the sensations until they move or shift → Integrating the experience (emotion, story, wisdom) Through somatic therapy, with guidance, the nervous system learns over time that not every signal means danger. It learns that it can contain more comfort, more peace, more rest. What might feel hard about feeling sensations? This work is gentle, but not always easy. Some things to watch out for: Overwhelming sensations (when you notice too much at once) Old memories or emotions surfacing unexpectedly Wanting to run away or distract when sensations are uncomfortable You deserve to have support: a therapist who understands somatic work, practices to calm your nervous system, and ways to return to safety (breathing, grounding, touch, or anything that feels soothing). I have to stress this shouldn't be explored for the first time alone. As I mentioned before, the body can be a protector, and it's very important, especially if you have a long history of trauma, to find a professional somatic practitioner to guide you through this process. They will know when it is too much too fast and how to titrate the process in a way that does not cause a complete emotional collapse. Everyday practices to grow your somatic language Here are some simple daily tools to become more fluent in your body’s language: Body scans: take 3-5 minutes, scanning from your feet to your head, and notice any areas of pleasant sensations. Listen to your body and only look for positive or neutral sensations when not accompanied by a trained professional. Mindful pauses: stop during the day, place a hand on your heart or belly, notice what’s alive inside. It may be cliché, but smelling the flowers or stopping to notice a beautiful sunset can be life-giving to a hurried nervous system. Movement with awareness: walking, stretching, yoga—move slowly, notice what shifts. Sensory check-ins: notice what you feel through smell, touch, sound. For example, warm water, cool breeze, soft fabric. Journaling with body words: after noticing a sensation, write a line like “My stomach feels like sea waves,” “My spine is heavy,” “My hands pulse with energy.” The deeper gift: owning sensation as strength As you grow your somatic vocabulary, you reclaim your ability to express what's happening inside your body. You learn that it’s not just a place that suffers, but also a sacred place of wisdom, love, truth, and depth. This is healing in its most honest form. When you can read the signals your body sends, you can make choices: rest when needed, seek safety, connect with what feels good. Your body becomes your guide, not something to hide from. It's a radical thing to let go of the impossible standards our society sets for us and learn how to function in this world while also caring for ourselves. Somatic vocabulary & trauma healing in community You are not alone in this. Many people discover that trauma has silenced their felt sense. In therapy, in community, even with friends who listen deeply, many of us learn how to re-open to sensations safely. This type of work is especially important for people with CPTSD, anxiety, veterans, or anyone whose nervous system has felt consistently unsafe at some point in their life. Somatic practices don’t erase pain, but they build tolerance for the deeply painful and devastating parts of life. They invite safety back without erasing the experience or pretending it didn't happen. Somatic language, like Sensations, is the first language of the body. They are quiet messengers that help us understand what's happening inside us. When we learn to notice them, name them, and stay with them, healing takes a new, digestible form. Start Somatic Therapy in San Diego, CA You don’t need to rush this work. You don’t need to get it “right.” What matters is that you start hearing your body’s language: the flutter, the warmth, the weight, the quiet. Healing lives there. We have Somatic therapists with openings who work online throughout California and Colorado, and in-person from our San Diego, California office, who are experts in Somatic Therapy in San Diego. If this article pointed out some of the ways you might benefit from this type of healing, don't hesitate to reach out. You can start your therapy journey with Compass Healing Project by following these simple steps: Fill out this inquiry form here to get connected. Meeting with a caring therapist Find your footing again—without having to leave home. Other Services Offered at Compass Healing Project At Compass Healing Project, we take a holistic approach to therapy, using a range of modalities to support various mental health needs. In addition to Somatic Therapy, we offer online ketamine-assisted therapy, EMDR, Clinical Sexology, hypnotherapy, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in California and Colorado.

Have you ever noticed how, in moments of conflict with someone close to you, your reactions seem to outpace your intentions? You may find yourself trying to suppress a surge of emotion, or struggling to make sense of why something relatively small feels disproportionately intense. This experience, while disorienting, is more common than it appears. In somatic therapy, this is understood as somatic hypervigilance. A state of protection and alertness in the nervous system that operates on high alert in response to perceived relational threat. This can cause ordinary moments, like disagreements or silence, to trigger intense emotional and physiological reactions. Because this process is rooted in the body rather than conscious thought, it often cannot be resolved through communication alone. Relational Somatic therapies work by addressing this activation at its source. The source is a complex interweave of attachment imprinting, nervous system conditioning, and the resiliency (or lack thereof) within the nervous system between social engagement, rest and digest, and/or fight, flight, and freeze. Somatic therapy works to restore a sense of safety and regulation through turning on parasympathetic (rest and digest, social engagement) and reconsolidating old threat responses (digesting and integrating into the past). As internal stability develops, relationships can begin to feel more grounded, manageable, and secure. Over time, as the nervous system becomes less reactive and more regulated, the experience of connection can shift between people. Interactions that once felt overwhelming may become manageable, and a more grounded sense of safety and ease can emerge within the relationship. If any part of this resonates with you, it may be worth exploring how your own nervous system participates in the patterns you experience. Understanding this layer can open the door to meaningful and lasting change. It may be worth reflecting on how your voice, pace, body, and facial expressions impact your mood and the relationships around you. We are signal and response beings; you can bid and beckon care and softness, or you can bid and beckon defense and threat. You can only control what you bring to the table, knowing this will empower you to work on yourself. That’s where somatic therapy for couples, parenting, and relationships of all shapes and sizes can be so transformative, especially when it is applied not just individually, but within relationship and couples therapy. What Is Somatic Hypervigilance? Somatic hypervigilance is when your body is always on the lookout for danger, even when there isn’t any in the present moment. The nervous system and threat imprint project a map of threat onto your day-to-day life. It’s not just mental worry. It’s physical protection, armouring, and guardedness on a biopsychological level. It can look like: A tight chest during casual conversations Jumping to the worst-case scenario quickly Overanalyzing tone of voice Feeling tense even during calm moments Experiencing partners’ distance as rejection or being unwanted Overthinking and ruminating on what to say, what others said, or what others are feeling People pleasing (Fawn, Functional Freeze) or trying to manage others’ feelings by sacrificing your own needs, wants, and desires. Avoiding rupture and repair conversations Overfocusing on past ruptures Chronic stomach, heart, head, shoulder, and neck tension When you're living in this state, it's hard to rely on facts or “what you know” about the relationship because the body is constantly looking for something wrong, it expects catastrophe. Hypervigilance is common for people who’ve experienced stress, trauma, or unpredictable environments. Your nervous system learns to stay “on guard” to protect you. This is especially present when early attachment environments came with low attunement, co-regulation, or emotional stability. The problem with this is that the same survival response shows up in relationships where safety is actually possible. This is not your fault, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you; it's just a learned strategy to cope with something deeply painful. How Hypervigilance in Relationships Shows Up As I explain more, if you discover you are living in a state of hypervigilance, it will become clear how it is affecting you and your relationships, such as: Assuming the worst during the conflict Reacting quickly instead of responding calmly Struggling to relax, even with close loved ones Taking things deeply personally and being unable to recover quickly from misunderstandings In romantic relationships, especially, it can be even harder. Small misunderstandings can feel like major threats. The reaction isn't always just about the current moment. You could be reacting to old patterns stored in the body. That’s the thing about hypervigilance: it’s not about logic. It’s about the nervous system. It’s about what is felt inside your body in that moment. Why Talking Alone Doesn’t Work You can’t think your way out of a nervous system response. It's possible you’ve already tried this. When it comes to learned systems of survival, logic doesn’t have much effect. You probably even logically understand what's happening and want to change it, but when you're in the moment, you revert to those old patterns. That’s where somatic therapy comes in. When you start to let go of all the tiny details and really zoom in on how the nervous system is responding, you can begin to heal the internal hypervigilance response itself, rather than the thing that appears to be causing it. What Is Somatic therapy? Whole-person therapy (aka Integrative Somatic Therapy) is a body-oriented approach to the healing of trauma and other stress disorders. Instead of focusing only on thoughts, it helps you tune into physical sensations and gently release stored tension. Beginning somatic relational therapy, it's common to begin noticing: Your breath Whether your muscles are tensing or softening Subtle physical shifts in the body Your somatic therapist will equip you with tools to help regulate your system when you begin to notice tension and hypervigilance. It's not about fixing or avoiding any uncomfortable feelings, but learning to titrate the waves of activation and intense feelings that arise with hypervigilance. How Somatic Therapy Helps Heal Somatic Hypervigilance What makes somatic therapy so effective is how it addresses the root of somatic hypervigilance. Instead of trying to “fix” the reactions, it helps the body feel safe inside itself again and digests (integrates) the stuck activation, effectively putting it in the past–where it belongs. Relational Somatic therapy goes well with EMDR, IFS (parts work), Sex and Intimacy therapy, and Hypnotherapy (all therapies we implement here at Compass Healing Project). Here’s what you can expect to change: 1. Learning to Notice Sensations in the Body Before Reacting Living in hypervigilance, reactions can feel automatic. With practice, you'll learn to pause and ask: “What am I noticing in my body right now?” “What do I need to do in order to respond as my true self?” That small moment of awareness changed everything. Noticing and sensing your internal state and sensations is called Interoception. Increasing interoceptivability has direct implications for increasing resilience. 2. Building Tolerance for Stress Instead of getting overwhelmed quickly, you can learn to stay present with discomfort. Pausing between stimulus and response gives grounded, embodied, and steady vibes all the way. Grounded and present helps our relationships want more connection. In romantic relationships, non-reactivity is sexy! This is called “expanding your window of tolerance.” It means you could: Stay in conversations longer Listen without shutting down Responding or pausing instead of reacting 3. Nervous System Will Start to Relax This won’t happen overnight. But slowly, your body will stop expecting danger all the time. The more you work on your nervous system resiliency you’ll see the pay off. The alternative is true as well, if you stay and react to stimulus the same way every time, you’ll continue to pave that road in your nervous system. You’ll feel: Less tension More ease A greater sense of safety And that will carry into your relationships. You can see a really big shift when you start applying somatic tools and techniques within your relationships, not just on your own. By working on your nervous system and your relationships at the same time, you'll have a deeper understanding of yourself and how you function with the people around you. Somatic Therapy + Couples Therapy = Transformation Couples therapy through a somatic lens is completely different. Instead of just talking about issues, you focus on: Body awareness, resilience, and steadfastness during conflict Slowing down reactions to protect safety and security Noticing nervous system responses in real time and applying self and co-regulation techniques to stay present and empowered. That simple shift reduces blame and increases understanding. This allows space to look at things from a different perspective and relieves the pressures of being “right,” creating room for vulnerability and transformation. What You Can Expect to Change in Your Relationship Using somatic therapy in couples' work will help you: Feel safer with each other Reduce reactivity Improve communication naturally Build trust at a deeper level You aren’t just solving problems, you’re changing how your whole being responds, and becoming empowered around whether you send bids or threats to one another. Integrative Somatic Therapy in Family Therapy The same approach is applied to family relationships and family work. In my experience, family dynamics often trigger deep patterns of hypervigilance. That’s because those patterns often (not always) originate in childhood. Parents come with their own package of imprints. And children, siblings, adult children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws do too! Using Somatics in a family therapy setting can help you: Recognize stress responses in each other Create more calm and meaningful interactions Break old cycles of reactivity Practice and shape better cycles of safety and communication Instead of escalating conflicts, you can learn to regulate together. Once you begin knowing and seeing these physical responses, it becomes much easier to know what to do in the moment. Why a Somatic Lens Matters for Couples and Families What I’ve learned is this: Most relationship struggles aren’t just about communication or lack of sex; they’re about nervous systems interacting. When two people are both dysregulated, things escalate quickly. Add complex family dynamics like step parents, sexual trauma, religious differences, in-laws, work, or substances and wowza, we may have a deep need to learn healthier ways of nervous system resilience. But when even one person begins to regulate, it changes the entire dynamic. That’s why somatics is so powerful for couples and families. It works beneath the surface to reduce conflict and make room for genuine connection. Practical Ways to Use SE in Relationships to Heal Hypervigilance Here are some simple somatic tools that help reduce hypervigilance in relationships: 1. Grounding Take a moment to look around, feel the support of the ground or the chair/couch holding you up. Where in your body do you feel steady and secure? Focus on that part for a second. This helps signal safety to the nervous system. Really allow your body to not just sit and hover, but to rest into and enjoy the chair or couch. Allow your muscles to relax (as much as they can) and keep your minds’ eye on the impact of the support on your sensations, your breath, your internal landscape. 2. Slowing Down Instead of reacting immediately, pause even for a few seconds. Practicing the pause WILL take practice. That pause makes space for a different response. In a heated moment with someone you care for, completely letting your stress response take over the conversation will create the opposite of what you want. The lack of pause will put you in the same old dance. That pause creates a moment to pay attention to what you are feeling, what you know is true, and what you need, which will allow you to respond as yourself. It will help you find your words of When { } happened, I felt { }, and I need/I would like { }. This is the formula for supporting effective and productive communication. 3. Tracking Sensations I notice what’s happening in my body: Tightness/clenching in the jaw Warmth and relaxed muscles Tears welling in your throat Anger deep within your stomach This keeps me connected to the present moment. You can acknowledge these sensations without judgment or action. They simply are. Get curious and ask yourself “Where do I think this is coming from?” “What can I do to help myself slow down and let the sensations pass by like waves?” 4. Co-Regulation Sometimes, just sitting calmly with a loved one helps regulate both of you. Co-regulation is rooted in Regulate, Relate, and Reason (yes in that order!). It starts with reflecting the feelings and words that are being expressed by your partner or family member. This lets them know they are being heard and seen. We don’t always need to “fix” things with words. A calm presence can be deeply comforting and relaxing. Final Thoughts: Healing Is Possible If you’re struggling with hypervigilance in relationships, I want you to know something: There’s nothing “wrong” with you. Your nervous system learned to protect you. But it can also learn to feel safe again. Somatic therapy is a way to find healing and transformation, not just individually, but within all your relationships. Start Relationship Therapy in Golden, CO For couples and relationships in Golden, CO, working with a relationship and couples therapist trained in Somatic Experiencing can deepen every other part of your relationship, and ease hypervigilance. When the body feels safe, connection becomes natural, communication flows more easily, and your love and passion for each begins to feel alive again. If you and your partner are ready to rebuild connection from the inside out, my team and I would love to support you. At Compass Healing Project, our therapists offer Somatic Experiencing Couples and Relationship Therapy in Golden, CO, to help couples slow down, listen to their bodies, and find safety in each other again. Whether you’re navigating stress, disconnection, destructive patterns, or simply wanting to feel closer, we’ll meet you with warmth, curiosity, and care. Don't hesitate, we are here for you. Contact us with all your questions. You can start your therapy journey by following these steps: Reach out today for a free discovery 20-minute consultation! Meet with a caring therapist Start rebuilding connection and deeper bonds! Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project Somatic experiencing therapy is not the only service offered by Compass Healing Project. We offer a variety of mental health services, including ketamine assisted therapy, Hypnotherapy, Clinical Sexology, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. We also offer intensive couples therapy and teen therapy. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in Golden, CO. About the Author Natalie Cooney (she/her) LMFT CO .0001680 is the Lead Therapist, Director, and Clinical Supervisor of Compass Healing Project. Natalie is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Certified Sex Therapist, Psychedelic Assisted Therapist, Resilience Touch Therapist, and EMDR Therapist. She specializes in Sacred Energetics, Integrative Nutrition, Somatic Regulation, and all things trauma- and attachment-related. Natalie is currently full, and her waitlist is closed. Her team is hand-picked, incredible, and has current openings. Inquire Here to be matched!

When our lives continue to operate at a pace that isn’t sustainable, the burnout, reactivity, and disconnect remove us from what actually matters. This is how trauma imprinting works, even if it was trauma from decades ago or last year, if the survival imprint never got relief, it compels the personality, the psyche, and the nervous system to carry on AS IF those survival strategies are still needed. Even so much as to project the map of threat onto present-day scenarios that would best be solved with connection and slow intentional orientation to the present. It is easy to see threat and danger, and the need to mobilize or collapse, when the trauma imprint is alive and active. That is how the brain and nervous system work–what we tend to will grow, what we focus on will deepen, and what we spend our mental and emotional energy on will carve deeper and deeper grooves. For trauma imprints without connection to choice or true power, that means just more of the same– flight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Unless… You are given an updated map and a strategy of how to shape your brain and nervous system, so it is no longer induced and hardens towards fear, overwhelm, burnout, disconnect, but rather pleasure, presence, connection, and safety. This is the work of generative and integrative somatics. We go below the words, into the nervous system, to acknowledge the message it is sending about what you have been through, and then we start pointing out and orienting you to other landmarks on the map. We are being anti-oppressive and rebellious of systems of threat by standing up for and charting on the map: Pleasure Goodness Connection Aliveness Nature Breath It is an act of rebellion to give our whole presence to today. It is an act of restorative justice to begin the process of gradually reclaiming your POWER, CHOICE, and the right to experience PLEASURE, REST, and CARE. We do this work with individuals, we do it with couples, we do it with parents and teens, we do it with families. The way out of a stuck trauma imprint is orientation, initially in small doses, to the inner fire of your powerful aliveness and your cravings for things to get better, to change, to shift towards more than just survival. Go on your own lovingkindness rebellion against the conditioning in yourself, be ruthless in the revolution of the systems that are stuck. Stand tall as you shape your next becoming, because as my mom used to say, “nothing changes if nothing changes”. Why not start a rebellion? We’d love to help if you want a strategy and a guide to chart your course, or need some new landmarks added, or if you keep visiting old landmarks and need help updating the geography. We have openings in both California and Colorado, in-person and online, for couples + relationships and individual counseling. We are great cartographers! with tons of love, support, and gratitude, Natalie Cooney Clinical Director, Supervisor + Creatrix SEP | AASECT Certified Sex Therapist | LMFT CA-CO-OR PS: If you are in Colorado and want a couples therapist…read on, my Abby has current openings! In PERSON in GOLDEN, CO + ONLINE in COLORADO Integrative Couples, Relationship and Family therapist Abby nipp 🌼Relationship Healing 👯‍♀️Couple Repair, Intimacy, and Communication 🌳Family healing, repair, and facilitator of new cycles 🌷Integrative and Somatic 🔥Directly apprenticing with Natalie! (She/her) / MFT-C.0014843 OPENINGS In person in San Diego & ONLINE for ALL of California LINDA'S SPECIALTIES: LINDA RANKIN 🪷Chronic Pain ✨Anxiety & Depression 🌼Neglect 🌿Grief & Loss 🌷Relational and emotional distress, pain, and wounding Registered Associate MFT148140 Supervised by Natalie Cooney #94578 JESSI'S SPECIALTIES: JESSI ECKERT 🪸Couples + Relationships 🌟Pregnancy and Postpartum 🌏IFS/Parts Work 🌤️ Parent/Child/Teen relational work 🪴PTSD (Including prolonged or complex) Registered Associate MFT153766 Supervised by Natalie Cooney #94578 Individuals, Teens, Relationships + Couples AASECT ANNUAL CONFERENCE Natalie is facilitating a clinical intensive on: “Trauma Healing through Pleasure Embodiment” Can’t wait to soak in wisdom from so many brilliant minds and bring it back to share with the team and our clients! REGISTER We specialize in: ✨Relationships, couples, pre-marital 🌿Couples + Families Communication 🌼Anxiety & Depression 🌤️First Responders & Family 💔Attachment wounds and repair 🪴PTSD (Including prolonged or complex) 🤝Grief & Loss ❤️‍🩹Trauma/overwhelm MY TEEN WONT TALK TO ME Many parents believe the solution is learning the right communication techniques. Those tools can help, but something deeper often matters even more. Our own emotional regulation. When we work on healing our own stress, triggers, and emotional wounds, several important things happen. We become calmer during difficult moments. We react less quickly. We listen more openly. We create a sense of safety that teens can feel. Teens may not always listen to our words, but they are very aware of our emotional energy. When we shift from anxiety or control to curiosity and steadiness, something powerful happens in the relationship. Conversations start to feel safer again. BOOK OF THE MONTH When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodren Heart advice for difficult times. Drawn from traditional Buddhist wisdom, Pema’s radical and compassionate advice for what to do when things fall apart in our lives goes against the grain of our usual habits and expectations. READ IT HERE Connect with us! Contact us here or send this blog to a worthy friend and colleague who might want to feel the extra support. It takes a village, and we are here to help! & SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER to stay in the loop! —Natalie Cooney.