How Somatic Hypervigilance Can Get in the Way of the Holidays And What You Can Do About It

The holidays often bring cheer, warmth, and togetherness. Lights sparkle, families gather, and we expect joyful moments. But for many, the holiday season also comes with a quieter, deeper challenge: when your nervous system is on high alert, when your body is already scanning for Threat or expecting pain or stress. That's the place of somatic hypervigilance—and it can quietly block the healing, connection, and rest you may crave.

In this post, we'll explore:

• What somatic hypervigilance is and how it shows up in the body

• How it can affect your relationships and ability to enjoy the holiday season

• Practical ways to soften and lean into connection, rest, and safety

What Is Somatic Hypervigilance?

First, let's break the phrase down.

• Somatic means "of the body." It points to the physical, felt experiences inside us—sensations, tensions, rhythms.

• Hypervigilance means being overly alert. It's when your brain and body act like they're watching for danger all the time. They're prepared. They're primed. But often, there's no real threat in that moment. Think lifeguard watching, prepared for anything.

When you bring the two together—somatic hypervigilance—you're looking at a state where your body is continually on guard: muscles tight, heart racing, senses heightened, nerves ready. 

This state is common for people who have experienced trauma, prolonged stress, unsafe environments, or repeated alarm in their nervous system. 

It's not just "I'm stressed right now." It's the system that thinks you need to stay alert, long after the danger is gone. 

With that being said, this would be a good moment to check in with yourself and your surroundings. Yes, I mean    r i g h t     n o w. 

• Are you currently in danger in this very moment? 

• When you look around the space you are in, do you notice something that helps your body relax even just 10% more than it is now? 

• What do you hear? 

• What do you smell? 

• Sense into your heart rate and your belly. Soften.

While you keep reading, I encourage you to take this time (about 7 min) to try and let go of as much tension as possible and lean into the fact that in this moment, you are safe.

How Somatic Hypervigilance Shows up During the Holidays

When the holidays arrive, many of us have associations with this season like comfort, joy, and connection, as well as grief, pain, and discontentment. If these feelings have appeared consistently around this time, it's common that our body will expect them. If your nervous system is on high alert, it's possible the anticipation of these annual sensations can be deeply activating. Here are some common ways somatic hypervigilance shows up:

• You feel restless, even when you're sitting comfortably in a room with loved ones. Your body feels like it might need to move, escape, or defend. This can even manifest as constantly cleaning, moving, or obsessing over meals and schedules.

• Loud music, unfamiliar guests, bright lights—things you might ignore on most days—feel jarring, amplified, too much.

• You anticipate conflict or feel tense before it even begins. You might be scanning the room, the faces, the tone of voice, nervously waiting for that one family member to say something downright offensive.

• You find yourself wanting to be perfect for others or even invisible to avoid being a burden or triggering someone. You may hold your feelings inside and ignore your own needs.

• Instead of feeling connected in your relationships, you might feel disconnected, isolated, or like you don't belong. The nervous system's guard or hypervigilance keeps you from settling into ease.

• Sleep is hard. You wake early, or your sleep quality feels low. You could be in a state of Threat and deep stress even as your body is resting. This leads to waking up feeling like you barely slept at all.

When you add in the expectations of holidays—family dynamics, social energy, traditions—you get a pressure cooker.

The relationships you love can feel tense. The "shoulds" pile up: "Should be happy," "Should connect," "Should enjoy." Meanwhile, your body says: "Threat. Watch out." So many of us have expectations of this season. Depending on how the holidays played out as we grew up and the traditions we follow (old or new), it's normal to expect that you'll feel the way you felt as a child around this time of year. Whether that be good or bad, it's not the past anymore, and at its core, this is truly just a season. We are the ones who give it the meaning we give it. We have the ability to shape it into what works for us and provide it with the meaning that will bring us the most peace.

How It Impacts Relationships

When one person's nervous system is in hyper-alert mode, it changes the dynamic of the relationship. In all relationships, if it affects one, it affects the whole. Here's how:

• Your partner or family member may feel you're distant or distracted—even if you're physically present. Because your body is on guard, you may appear shut down or stiff. Their reaction to this can also be upsetting, especially if you're working hard to maintain your composure.

• You might avoid meaningful conversation or intimacy because your body isn't safe enough to open. You might feel numb, separate, or overly cautious.

• You may misread others. Because you're scanning for a threat, you might hear a tone in a voice that wasn't meant. You might feel criticized when none was intended. This can spark arguments or withdrawal, as well as pain and distance.

• The "holiday magic" feels unreachable, which can lead to guilt ("I should be enjoying this"), shame, or disappointment. That adds strain. If that "magic" was never felt in the first place, or the person who created the positive memories of this season is gone, this concept of Thai season being the happiest can feel deeply triggering and painful, and add to the hypervigilant state of your nervous system.

• On the flip side, if your loved ones don't understand what you feel, they may become frustrated, pull away, or feel helpless. In some ways, this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You expected pain, withdrew, then felt distance and attributed it to your original predictions.

Hypervigilance doesn't mean you don't love your people—it means your body is working overtime. The love is there. The system just can't relax into it. There is nothing wrong with you, and luckily, hypervigilance is not a life sentence. It can be worked through, and there are many tools to help the nervous system learn to lean into safety more.

Why This Matters in Colorado, or Any Place With Significant Seasonal Change

If you live in Colorado—or another place where the seasons shift dramatically, where the pace of life can feel both expansive and isolating—the challenge is real. The wide open spaces, the crisp air, and the expectation for family gatherings or being "outdoors" can trigger: exposure, vulnerability, and sensory overload.

Holiday travel, mountain views, altitude changes, and family influxes—all of these can amplify your nervous system's sense of needing to monitor. You might be more attuned to the environment, more sensitive to the silence or the noise, more aware of how your body responds to the cold, to guests, to holiday stimuli.

Paying attention to how your system and energy respond to the changing of seasons is essential. The nervous system doesn't only track people—it tracks space, sound, and season. In the future, if you know how your body responds, you can prepare a bit more like stocking your favorite tea, confiding in a close friend or partner, and asking for extra support before the season approaches.

In San Diego, the somatic hypervigilance has different stimuli. You could be going through the loss of a loved one and feel the dissonance with the season and feel unseen, unheard, and left. You could feel the rhythm of your body asking for spaciousness and rest, but still be under massive amount of stimulation of traffic, busy-ness due to near perfect weather conditions not giving naturally “hibernation vibes”, or have a massive to-do list. 

Pause. Check in. Slow.

You can calm.  You can slow. You can create more space.

What You Can Do: Practical Steps to Soften Hypervigilance This Holiday Season

Here are some grounded, realistic practices you can use to support your body, your relationships, and your nervous system. They aren't quick fixes—they are invitations to feel safer, step by step.

1. Recognize hypervigilance for what it is

Notice when your body feels like it's scanning, when your senses are heightened. Say to yourself: "My nervous system is at work." Naming the experience gives you a bit of space to respond rather than react.

2. Create safe zones

Choose one place in your environment (your home, a corner of the room, your favorite park, or your car) where you know you can step away or breathe if things feel intense. If possible, make it physically soothing: a warm drink, soft blanket, low light, quiet.

A few little oases make a huge impact on the nervous system. Make note of who, what, and where are your little oases are. Even thinking about them can bring about some soothing. 

3. Boundaries are kindness

It's okay to say: "I'll join for this part, but not the whole." "I'm going to step outside for ten minutes." Giving yourself permission to leave early or rest isn't selfish; it's caring for your nervous system and yourself as a whole. Think of how you would respond if someone said any of the statements above to you. They are very reasonable boundaries to establish.

Boundaries are about what you will or won’t do, not someone else. 

4. Use body cues to reconnect

When you find yourself waiting for catastrophe,  when you're with family, or alone and unsettled, try this: place a hand on your belly or chest. Feel your heartbeat. Notice the weight of your body in the chair or the ground under your feet. These subtle cues bring you into your body and out of guard mode.

5. Have safe people around you

Tell a loved one: "If I look quiet or distant, I'm not upset with you—I'm trying to cope with the emotions this season can bring up. If you notice me shutting down, I might need a pause or to go for a quick walk." Having someone who knows your rhythm helps relax your nervous system as well as remove some of the isolation and shame that comes with somatic hypervigilance.

6. Shift focus from performance to presence

Instead of trying to make the holidays perfect, ask: How do I want to feel today? Presence over perfection. Connection over display. Rest from constant doing. When you shift your aim, the tension eases.

7. Use transition rituals

Before a gathering, use 3 minutes to ground yourself: feet on the floor, breath slow, eyes soft. You can also listen to your favorite album and move your body, feel its presence and integration with you as a whole. After a gathering, step into silence for a moment, stretch, and feel your body settle, or shake it out and have a little scream or cry in the car if it feels right. These transitions can help your system down-regulate.

The Deeper Gift: Repairing Connection With Your Body and Relationships

When you practice these steps, you begin to shift from survival to presence. You begin to show up, not just in your relationships, but for yourself. When your body says, "Seems safe enough," you can lean in. You can feel the warmth, the laughter, the quiet closeness. And your relationships begin to reflect that. Your loved ones may respond to your ease, your openness, your capacity to rest. The dance of connection becomes less tense, more fluid. You don't need to perform or protect; you just can be together.

If you're alone, you can also take more pleasure in the things you enjoy doing. Maybe you need to bake cookies and light a candle for a loved one. You are safe and enough even amidst grief and pain.

This holiday season can be a turning point—not just for "holiday stress," but for a deeper way of being with your body and with others. You can choose to partner with your nervous system, rather than be ruled by it. You can decide to put in effort to make your body a place of home, even when the lights are bright, the voices are loud, and expectations are high.

You are enough, and you deserve peace

It matters what your body feels. It matters what your nervous system holds. And it matters how you show up for yourself in the midst of relationships, holiday dynamics, and expectations. Somatic hypervigilance doesn't have to win. It doesn't have to control your gathering, your laughter, your rest.

This year—this season—you can lean into kindness for your system. You can say: I'm here. I'm not in danger. I can rest. And when you allow that, you invite peace and self-worth into your world. You may even feel a bit content.

Start Working With A Somatic Therapist in San Diego, CA

Here's to a season of slowness and tenderness toward your body, toward your people, and toward yourself. If you're looking for a somatic therapist to help make sense of all this, don't hesitate to contact us for support through this complicated time of year. You can start your therapy journey with Compass Healing Project by following these simple steps:

1. Reach out today to book a free 30-minute discovery call. 

2. Meeting with a caring therapist

3. Start finding the peace you deserve!

Other Services Offered at Compass Healing Project

Our team uses a range of modalities to support various mental health needs. In addition to somatic therapy, Compass Healing Project also provides online ketamine-assisted therapy, we offer EMDR, Clinical Sexology, hypnotherapy, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with anxiety, depression, PTSD, grief, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect with our therapists in California and Colorado.