Understanding the Different Types of Grief
Grief is something we all experience, but grief does not look the same for everyone.
As a somatic therapist and human, I have come to understand that grief is not only something
we feel or go through for a period of time. Grief lives in the body. It changes how we sleep,
eat, move, think, connect, relate, and experience everyday life.
What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think about grief? Most people tend to go
straight to a loss of life. But grief can come from many kinds of loss. We can grieve a person
who is alive but no longer around, a relationship (even one we are currently in), a dream, a job,
a religion, a community, our health, a sense of safety, or the life we thought we would have. I
could keep going, but I think you're starting to see what I’m saying. Grief is all around us; it's so
normal, yet many find it one of the hardest things to talk about.
Sometimes we know exactly what we are grieving. Other times, the loss is harder to name.
In my work with clients, I help people understand that there is no single “right” way to grieve. My
goal is not to rush grief or make it disappear. Instead, I help people learn how to move through,
sit with, and accept their grief while staying connected to themselves.
What Is Grief?
Grief is the natural response to loss.
It can bring sadness, anger, fear, guilt, confusion, loneliness, relief, or even numbness. You
may feel several of these emotions in the same day. It is a process. Different every day.
Sometimes the sadness lifts and shifts and then comes back tenfold the next day. It's
unpredictable and so, so normal. Grief can also affect the body.
You may notice:
● Tightness in your chest
● A giant pit in your stomach
● A heavy feeling in your body
● Trouble sleeping
● Changes in appetite
● Headaches or muscle tension
● Feeling tired all the time
● Restlessness
● Impulsiveness
● A racing heart
● Trouble focusing
● Feeling disconnected from your body
● Wanting to isolate from other people
These responses do not mean that you are doing grief wrong. Your body is responding to a
major change and trying to adjust.
The Different Types of Grief
Something that can be very helpful during times of grief is having language for what you are
experiencing. Naming your grief and understanding it can help you feel less alone.
Anticipatory grief can happen when you know a loss is coming.
This may happen when someone you love has a serious illness or when a major life change is
expected. This can feel complex because you want to savor the last moments before the loss,
but anticipating it can cloud everything.
You are essentially grieving before the loss actually happens. This makes sense; you know it's
coming. Sadness, fear, anger, or even guilt for grieving “too soon” are all to be expected.
There is no need to wait until something is over before acknowledging what you are feeling. If
you can, allow the sadness to exist. These last moments might be a ball of joy and anger and
loss, remorse, regret, optimism, everything all at once. It does not have to be perfect and happy
to soothe your soul.
Grief that feels especially intense, long-lasting, and difficult to move through is likely complex
grief or complicated grief.
This type of grief is so, so hard. It can make it incredibly hard to return to everyday life. You may
feel stuck in the loss or unable to imagine life without what you have lost. Your family and
friends may start to push or ask things like, “When do you think you'll be ready to go back to
work?” or “How much longer do you think you'll need before you start feeling more like
yourself?”
If this is you, you are not a failure. These symptoms are a sign that your system needs more
support. Help is available. You do not need to be fixed, more like heard and supported.
Ambiguous grief can be especially confusing because there may not be a clear ending.
You may grieve someone who is still alive but no longer able to be part of your life in the same
way. You may grieve a relationship that changed, a family member who became distant, or a
future that is no longer possible.
There can be a strange feeling of having something to grieve without having a clear moment
when the loss happened. That uncertainty can make grief harder to explain to other people.
It’s easy to look for something to pin the pain on or make sudden changes. Understanding that
you are grieving and allowing the process to begin is a great way to find your footing again.
Disenfranchised grief happens when your loss is not fully recognized or supported by others.
Maybe people tell you, “It wasn't that big of a deal.”
Maybe you lost a relationship that others did not understand. Or you got out of an abusive or
deeply taxing relationship. You are grieving the loss, however necessary it was, and people
expect you to be happy or relieved.
Maybe you are grieving a pregnancy loss, a pet, a friendship, infertility, a loved one struggling
with addiction, or another loss that people around you do not recognize as deeply as you do.
Your grief does not become less real because someone else does not understand it.
Talking to a Somatic therapist who understands grief can help so much with disenfranchised grief because they understand the nuance and provide actual validation and support.
Sometimes losses pile up.
You may experience several major changes close together, leaving little time to process each
one. One loss brings up another. A new goodbye reminds your body of an older one.
This is why cumulative grief can feel much bigger than the event happening right now.
Grief Lives in the Body
As a somatic therapist, this is one of the most important parts of grief for me.
We cannot think our way through grief.
You may understand something logically and still feel it deeply in your body.
Your mind says, “I know this person is gone.” But your body still expects them to walk through the door. Your mind knows that the relationship has ended, while your body still reaches for that routine
connection.
This is where somatic therapy can help. Somatic therapy looks at the connection between your body, emotions, thoughts, and nervous system. Instead of focusing only on what happened, we also pay attention to what is happening inside you right now.
We might slow down, notice your breathing, notice where you feel tension.
We might explore what happens when you talk about the loss and find moments when your body feels safe, supported, or connected.
This does not mean forcing yourself to relive painful experiences. It means learning to listen to
your body with compassion and awareness of what you can handle in this moment.
How Grief Can Change Your Everyday Life
Grief affects more than your emotions
.
It can change your relationships, your energy, appetite, sleep, memory, and work. It can affect
your parenting, friendships, sleep, intimacy, and your ability to make decisions or enjoy things
like interests or hobbies.
You may have less patience. You may pull away from people. You may want more closeness
but feel unable to ask for it. It's common to expect or wonder when things will “get back to normal.”
But after a major loss, you may not be the same person you were before. If you can, let it
change you. Grief is part of life; you can't outrun it. Avoiding it can come with its own side
effects.
Part of healing may be learning what your new normal looks like.
How Therapy Can Support Grief
I believe grief deserves space. That is why I ensure my practice is equipped to help people in
grief not just cognitively, but by supporting the whole system.
We use different therapeutic approaches based on the needs of each person. Somatic
Experiencing, IFS Parts Work, Couples Therapy, and other trauma-informed approaches
can all provide different forms of support.
The goal is not to “fix” grief.
The goal is to help you have the support you need so you can carry it, instead of being crushed
by it.
Start Working With A Somatic Therapist in Golden, CO,
San Diego, and Carlsbad, CA
In active grief, working with a Therapist trained in supporting grief, trauma resolution, intimacy,
and family systems, in addition to Somatic Experiencing, can allow the space and support
needed to integrate what you are experiencing. When the body feels safe, connection becomes
natural, waves of grief flow more smoothly, and you can begin to allow yourself to exist
alongside your pain.
If you are ready to reach out for support along your journey of loss, my team and I would love to
support you. At Compass Healing Project, our therapists offer Somatic Experiencing Grief
Therapy in Golden, CO, San Diego, and Carlsbad, CA, to help you slow down, listen to your body, and find safety in yourself. Whatever type of grief you are experiencing, we’ll meet you with warmth, curiosity, and
care.
Don't hesitate; we are here for you. Contact us with all your questions. You can start your
therapy journey by following these steps:
1. Reach out today for a free 20-minute discovery consultation!
2. Meet with a caring therapist.
3. Start rebuilding connections and deeper bonds!
Other Services Offered with Compass Healing Project
Grief Counseling is not the only service offered by Compass Healing Project. We offer a variety
of mental health services, including Couples Therapy, ketamine assisted therapy,
Hypnotherapy, Clinical Sexology, and embodiment practices. Each is tailored to help with
anxiety, depression, PTSD, sexuality concerns, and relationship issues. We also offer intensive
couples therapy and teen therapy. To learn more about our services, visit our blog or connect
with our therapists in California and Colorado.
About the Author
Natalie Cooney (she/her) LMFT is the Lead Therapist, Director, and Clinical Supervisor of
Compass Healing Project.
Natalie is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Certified Sex Therapist, Psychedelic Assisted
Therapist, Resilience Touch Therapist, and EMDR Therapist. She specializes in Sacred
Energetics, Integrative Nutrition, Somatic Regulation, and all things trauma- and attachment-
related.
Natalie is currently full, and her waitlist is closed. Her team is hand-picked, incredible, and has
current openings. Inquire here to be matched!
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